all that i can say

so my last post is a song, by the david crowder band called all that i can say. its a simple song, that really spoke to me during my waiting period. i wish i would've posted it then because the emotion tied to it would've been so much stronger.

Lord i'm tired,

so tired of walking

and Lord, i'm so alone

Lord the dark

is creepin' in

creeping up to swallow me

i think i'll stop and rest here a while

this is all that i can say right now

and this is all that i can give

and this is all that i can say right now

and this is all that i can give

thats my everything

and didn't you see me crying,

and didn't you hear me call Your name?

wasn't it You i gave my heart to?

wish You'd remember where you set it down

and this is all, this is all that i can say right now

i know it's not much

but this is all that i can give

and thats my everything

this is all that i can say right now,

right now, i know it's not much

this is all that i can give,

yeah thats my everything.

i didn't notice you standing there

i didn't know that was You holding me

i didn't notice You were crying too

i didn't know that was You washing my feet

and this is all that i can say right now

i know its not much

and this is all that i can give

yeah thats my everything

this is all that i can say right now;

right now, i know its not much

this is all that i can give,

yeah thats my everything.

***

i love the progression of this song. i love the hurt and weariness that you can hear. walking with the Lord, especially in times of pain and loss and uncertainty, is hard; fatiguing. there were some days, i would just bawl to the Lord and say, this is all i have to offer, please accept it. and just fall asleep on the lap of the Lord crying.

looking back, i feel like i'm at the end of the song singing that last verse. that i didn't notice that in the stillness, God was right there, rocking me to sleep, sharing in my tears. i love that image of such a comforting Father. He doesn't like to see his children hurt or suffer heartbreak or struggle or feel broken. but, in that He is able to teach us so much if we're only willing to submit to Him and listen.

everyday we face heartbreak and struggles and pain and brokenness. but what can we take from it? how can we bring glory to God through it if we refuse to learn from it? if it becomes just about making ourselves feel better then we're off chasing the next fleeting happiness. but if in our times of pain, we look and seek the Lord's face, we'll recognize that he is with us through that time. crying with us. loving us. showing us that with Him, our strength is unrivaled, and we truly can do anything through Christ.

and that is all that i can say.