Friday, August 8, 2008

a photo a day keeps the heartbreak at bay

i'm new to this.  html overwhelms me and my indecisiveness will likely be a reason for my imminent, untimely death; therefore, simplicity is more of my thing.

this blog is to really be about africa; what i learned there, who i am now because of it, and where i hope to go.  it shall be a day-to-day recount of how the Lord is working in my life and the steps He is asking me to take.  i can't guarantee correct spelling or punctuation, and you can almost always count on me to not capitalize anything aside from God.  i can't promise that i will write daily, or even weekly.  and i certainly can't assume that any of it will make sense to any other souls out there.  but i can assure you one thing: this is my heart.  these are my thoughts.  this. is. real.

i'm great at starting things; terrible at finishing them.  just look at my to-do list.  actually. please don't.  we'll both be gravely disappointed.  especially after this week.  

i feel like my inaugural blog should be something of great foundational importance, but unfortunately the part of my brain that controls the deep thought process has taken an early weekend, so you must be satisfied with that at a later date.  it will come, just not right now.  you think i'd have control over something so seemingly "me". well, i don't.  and trust me, i'm more frustrated than you.

in lieu of an initiatory blog, you'll get an up-to-date, breaking news flash of the current status of my mind and heart.  take it or leave it, it is what it is. 

the weather today is gorgeous.  the cloudless sky is painted a vivid blue, contrasting perfectly with the vibrant greens of the mid-summers foliage.  the way the sun illuminates each small facet of the leaves as they rumba in unison is magnificent.  its one of those days that you can't help but notice as flawless.  uncustomary to high-summer in tennessee, the temp is down about twenty degrees from this time last year.  its almost unseasonably cool, with no complaints on all fronts, thats for sure.  however, its that first cool snap that brings me right back down nostalgia lane.  im twenty, or twenty one.  driving down the streets of greenville, nc; doing some shopping, maybe cooking, getting ready for this weekends big rivalry game.  windows down, driving down arlington, the sun warms my skin as the air chills my bones.  headed to the stadium, this is ideal football weather, and we're ready for another victory.  tailgates, pirate walk, my  camera essentially an additional appendage, perma-glued in my hand or at my eyes.  the smell of carolina style bar-b-que in its pepper vinegar glory.  the excitement as the team takes the field, led on after a cartoon-inspired peedee the pirate rocked out to hendrix's 'purple haze'.  the goosebumps incurred after a close call, where it winds up a 'first down, PIRATES! arrrgggh!' and the subsequent chanting of 'PURPLE! GOLD' between the east and west sides of the stadium. 

after two or three years, i'm back there in an instant with little to no thought about it.  its bizarre that nothing more than a ten-degree dip in temperature was all it took to invoke such a pit-of-the-stomach memory tied to emotion.  

on the eve of the titans pre-season (as i'll be scratching off one of my things to do here in my 23rd year!), this season is about conquering the heart-wrenching emotions tied to memory.  its not to stamp out the memories entirely, but just to attach a new association to an old thought, so that next year, when the heat begins to snap along  with the center, anxiety won't be anywhere in the proximity of the sidelines.