He IS Faithful.

i hate posts like this, because i never truly know where to begin.  brevity is not a skill i'm terribly familiar with, and posts don't lend themselves well to resemble chapters.  for the sake of repeating myself, check out the previous posts i've written regarding this journey back to Haiti.

start here: how it began
then read: His promise

so, this is where the story left off: a week after a heartbreaking loss of a dream, standing firm on God's promise of faithfulness, and hearing His reassuring voice telling me to 'expect in Hope, believe for things beyond what you can see and know.  For I know the plans I have for you.'


Since that Tuesday night surrender on the staircase, I've not turned back.  I've declared His faithfulness to everyone I know.  I've stood firm in believing He had a plan, even if that plan was a swept-up-and-pieced-back-together version of my original plan.

i felt as if the Lord specifically asked me not to search anything out.  you see, i'm a fixer.  if it doesn't work, i wanna make it work.  but I felt as if God said, leave this one to Me.  let Me handle this, and you just wait to see My faithfulness revealed.

so, God said go to haiti. and then He took away my plans to go to Haiti. and then He told me not to make any other plans.

ok, yeah, right.  just making sure.  ok, yep.  still doesn't make any sense.

so for over two months, I waited.  i declared His faithfulness, and I sat on my hands.

then, sometime around mid-to-late April, i was reading a blog that i've followed for some time now, and felt as if the Lord released me to email them.  i had been hearing about another mission organization, but didn't feel released to email them.  so, this was interesting.  for two months, I felt like I wasn't supposed to search anything out, then now, all of the sudden, it was okay?

I wrote a brief email and prayed over it with Lauren.  before we prayed, i told her about this organization, and the other, and how for some reason, i was feeling so warm to this.  she said she felt the same thing, and knew nothing about it.  so i sent her the link, and i sent out the email.

and received nothing back.

a week later, i'm back on the blog, and see they've just returned to Haiti, and everything there hit the fan at once, per usual in Haiti, and prayed about emailing them again.  after that weekend, i decided to email a different contact listed.  plus, they had just posted pictures of two sweet sisters that needed sponsorship.  the younger one was named Christela, meaning Christ is here in Creole.  i only knew that because I had a conversation about another little girl with the same name.  her picture jumped off the page at me, and i knew i had to email to find out more about her.

and again, i didn't hear back.

a couple days later, lauren (who had slyly checked out the blog and inquired about the sponsorship, too!) tells me that she got an email back.  at this point, i'm pretty much seeing this as a closed door.  God seemed to be in the business of closing doors.  no matter how much i knew it to be true, i declared His faithfulness over this situation time and time again with confidence in the Spirit, but began to grow exceedingly discouraged in the flesh.

as i waited to try on some things at the mall, my phone vibrated with an email.

there. is. no. way.

i rushed into the fitting room and open the email.  he apologized for letting my email slip through the cracks, and said that  their internet had also been down.  they had all the help they needed ...until recent weeks, when 2 interns backed out.  if they decided to accept another person, they would send me an application. so the dressing room became my prayer closet.  i began praying for the heavens and earth to be moved and for opportunity to be presented.  30 minutes later, i receive an application and such encouraging words from the other staff member that I had tried contacting.

later on that evening, i was re-reading the email, and noticed the timestamp: Thursday, May 3rd.  that couldn't be.  today was saturday.  and i got this today, just around noon.  it says it was received at 1:48. it didn't add up.  I checked the second email.  It had been sent that morning, but more than 3 hours before i actually received it.

i realized that on the same day that email was supposedly sent, was the day i went for that run; and although i didn't understand it then, i can't help to think about my obedience and faith in the absence of sight and making-sense, helped to loosen somethings in the spiritual realm as i followed the Lord's path regardless of where it took me.

over the weekend, I manage to write a laughable 12 pages, single spaced, to complete the application.  i sent it off.  and waited.  and waited.  and waited.

as i reached the "we'll-get-back-to-you-within-14-days" limit, the flame of hope i had began to extinguish.  as i drove to work this tuesday morning, i took the time i usually dedicated to praying for haiti (that's been my tuesday itinerary since i've returned), and just started declaring God's faithfulness even in the absence of the answer i was hoping for.  my heart truly had reached the point of knowing that no matter what, His plan was perfect and would prevail.  I felt so much peace as i relinquished my own plans and my own hope for this summer to Jesus, knowing that my hope was in Him, not in what my next 2 months looked like.  as i prayed for protection from discouragement, i truly felt an abundance of joy and excitement, even as i laid down my dreams.  i realized the role haiti played in my journey of faith, and how it was the place that i truly fell in love with jesus.  because of that, there was an emotional attachment to this country, and my trip would be a sort of pilgrimage back to a sweet, sweet time in my spiritual walk.  realizing all this, i just began to confess to the Lord that i didn't need to go somewhere else to love Jesus; that I would be committed to doing that this summer regardless of where I was.  His peace washed over me, and i met my colleagues and kinders with such an abundance of joy on that last full day of school.

we had a dance party to "gettin' jiggy wit' it" (big ups to will smith!) during morning announcements, and i held nothing back.  my silliness was in full force, as two of my kiddos told me to quit teaching and pick up a career as a dance instructor or as a cheerleader (if only a cheerleader was a legitimate job past the age of 18!).  it was game and movie day, and as the kids played, i watched each of them take on their own independent roles without guidance.  it brought tears to my eyes, thinking about where they were on the opposite end of this year, and just how far they had come.  i chuckled as one of my sweet ones sat delegating, not even playing!, the game she had brought.  another one explained the instructions in detail of his game and lead the other three as they played.  it was so precious to watch them as i was hands-off completely.

as i packed and moved my things, and the other teacher had begun moving her things into my room, i remember meeting her distraction with such patience and joy; i truly wasn't even bothered or inconvenienced in the slightest, and i was so thankful for this abundance of joy that the Lord had put in my heart!  even in light of everything, HE WAS FAITHFUL! and He provided joy and peace in ABUNDANCE!

so, when i sat down at my computer, and saw an email from the orphanage, my immediate response was to pray against discouragement, that my heart would be protected and preserved, and not feel rejection.  i scanned through the first few sentences, and saw ... wait, what? we would love to have you on our team!  wait, WHAT?!  i jumped up, ran across the hall and squealed with excitement as i told allie that i got the internship!  as i walked back in the classroom, my kinders were convinced that i had won the lottery.  i love that they thought that.  that is what a 5 year old brain equates to the amount of excitement they saw me in!  one of my sweet little girls had just asked to go get a drink down the hall, and when i saw she was still standing there, i asked her if she was still going to go.  she responded that she wanted to wait and find out why i was so excited first!  how stinkin' sweet was that!? they were SO excited for me, and as i announced what was going on in the most simplest of terms, one of my precious little boys said, "oh! so, you're going to help then?!"  i loved every second of it, and then they all met me on the carpet for the biggest group hug squeeze ever!  what better way to celebrate such amazing news than with these sweet little babes of mine!

i asked allie to keep an eye on my little ones for a minute so i could go share with deana down the hall. she had prayed with me, and for me, multiple times this year for this situation to all fall into place, and i couldn't wait to tell her! I walked in as she was giving instructions and i was just jumping up and down; i don't even know if i said anything.  her eyes got so big and she shrieked and tears began as we just declared His faithfulness to each other over and over and over as she hugged me so tightly in congratulations!  i am so thankful for her and her support and prayers over these past two years, and could not imagine a woman more solid in her faith to have as a mentor and co-worker.  i was so blessed to share in this sweet moment with her, too!

so with the excitement came with the reality, that amidst the end of school biz and graduation and cleaning out my room and moving classrooms, i had to actually finalize plans for this trip!  insanely long and frustrating story short, i spent much of wednesday trying to locate a flight that did not have an overnight on either side of the trip in miami/ft laudy, and that would leave port-au-prince to return to florida sometime around the same time as my church team that i would be meeting up with in Jacmel.  i spent much of the day searching expedia, priceline, and individual sites, to no avail.  finally, i found a flight that left two hours before my team, but didn't have an overnight layover.  i was close to booking it, but didn't feel peace, even though i got the go-ahead from our trip coordinator.  later that night, after searching again and again, i decided to book that flight.  but instead, i found one that left just about the same time as our TVC team!  as i clicked to book it, it also was one of the rare two that didn't have an overnight layover!!  then, i notice, it's $30 cheaper than the flight i was going to book!!!  as i am filling in info and choosing my seats, i realize, the last leg (PAP to MIA, and MIA to TPA!) is FIRST CLASS!!!!  i'm cracking up as i am just thanking God for His goodness and provision!!

i email it to our coordinator, who promptly responds that she loves how much God is in the details, because that is the same flight they are on leaving the country! (we'll both fly to MIA, where they will continue to nash as I head back to tampa!).  Seriously.  God, you are SO GOOD.  and you just keep one-upping yourself!!!

all of this to say one thing: HE. IS. FAITHFUL.  He is ABSOLUTELY faithful.  I love His timing; down to the last moment, and yet, PERFECT.  Always.  He waited until I surrendered completely every plan of mine to His perfect will, only to reveal that my dreams and desires and hopes were fully aligned.  He waited until I declared Him faithful, even in the absence of an answer that I had been hoping for, and did it with sincerity, faith, and joy; and then, He gave me my hearts desires.  He waited until I was fully satisfied in Him alone, and not the fruition of His faithfulness or His plans, and then, He gave them to me anyway.

He is faithful, He is faithful, He is faithful.  Praise God.  He has been in every detail, and I trust that if He is this present in the constructive stages of the trip, He will absolutely not abandon me any step of the way!

Thank you Jesus, all of this is because of You! for You! through You! by YOU!  Most amazingly of all, You are using each step of the past 6 months to declare Your glory.  Hallelujah, for great is He who works all things together for my good!

So, June 13-July 14th, I will be serving with the Cap Haitien Children's Home, in Cap Haitien on the northern coast of Haiti!  For more information about them check out their website, follow their blog, and become a fan of their Facebook page!  After my month-long internship with CHCH, I will be spending a week as planned in St. Marc, Haiti at YWAM, where I taught in 2010.  the final 8 days of my trip will be spent with a team from my home church in Nashville, The Village Chapel, in Jacmel serving with the Hands and Feet Project at their local orphanage!

I could not be more excited for this adventure I am about to embark on.  I can not put into words the journey the Lord took me on during my 4 months in Haiti in 2010.  Without doubt, it was formidable in the level of faith and intimacy with the Lord today.  As much as my heart romanticizes the time i spent in Haiti, my head (and tummy!) remember all too well that it can be a frustrating and miserable place, too.  I love the duality of the country, and relate to it all too well.  Living in unfamiliar, uncomfortable circumstances is like using the contrast feature when editing pictures; it bumps up the blacks and whites, the highlights and the shadows, to where everything is amplified.  there is little gray area.  my strengths and weaknesses are equally exposed.  all the junk in my heart is brought to the surface, and i become more dependent on the Lord for my strength and for reconciliation than ever before.  it's a purging process that is sometimes painful, and beyond necessary.

but even more than that, Haiti has been burned into my heart by the Creator God, that loves that nation and has a heart to see its restoration.  i believe Haiti has the ability to be redeemed by God alone, and shine like a bright gem in the caribbean.  i am so thankful for the opportunity to serve a people that will teach me more than i could ever teach them: to watch as they walk in joy in the absence of things; as the curious children lavish love regardless of skin color; as they count it all joy when my heart counts the complaints against comfort.

i've got so much to learn; and the Lord knows just what a fine teacher Haiti can be.

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