sleet.

i let out a giant, defeated sigh and threw my things down.  that's how i felt; defeated, deflated, and exhausted.  the last thing i wanted to do was walk my dog in the freezing rain.

i walked onto the porch, already fully saturated from this evening mixed precip, and sabby followed.

the stars aren't out again tonight, God.  but please, please show me some of you. i need to hear from you.


sabby edged his way towards the step, but the cold, wet ground caused enough trepidation he decided to stay where it wasn't sleeting.  with the freezing rain quite apropos for my internal state, i walked out into the middle of the sidewalk, and called sabby down the steps.

he paced hesitantly as his master called.  he wanted to obey, but he was scared.  he knew it was wet and cold and unfamiliar.  it was less than ideal for him.  but his master called.  and his master loves him.  and his master would never lead him to leave him where he doesn't belong.

the hesitancy wasn't because he didn't love his master.  the hesitancy wasn't because he didn't want to obey.  he was scared, it was scary.  it didn't look like it was supposed to look.

but he came anyway.  because he loves me.

the rain drops on my cheeks were the perfect facade for the tears to hide behind.  only the subtle juxtaposition of warm and cold, fresh and salty allowed me to recognize the difference in the two.

don't you see, Rhiannon? I'm still calling you.  yes, it's cold and wet, and doesn't look a whole lot like what you envisioned,  but I am still calling.  to you.  and I will not leave you.  I love you.


i'm wretched at times, i know it.  with a flip of a switch, all my concerted efforts to simply trust are thrust into a ugly flail in which i just try to wind up on my feet.

just wind up at My feet. 


see?  He really is too good.  He is always faithful, even when I am faithless and wretched and unworthy of a Savior.

i am unworthy, true.  but, He came, anyway.  because He loves me.