communion.

church was supposed to begin at 9 am.  i knew because they were in the process of paiting it on the wall just outside of the door.  you could tell the building was new-er, with most of the paint intact, and the tile still slightly clean, albeit with spots of cement and paint that had haphazardly dripped about in the process.

we had driven out to terrier rouge, a small community about 40 minutes from Cap Haitien, toward the Dominican border. we got there with a few minutes to spare, and with an absence of chairs in the church, i took a seat on the floor.  somehow, (i later came to find they were borrowed by some neighbors) a few of the guys began bringing in a hodge podge of plastic patio chairs and metal folding chairs. people trickled in, and had there been a clock, i'm sure it wouldve said 9:30 when we finally begun.

she got there earlier than most.  she took a seat on the other side of the aisle (it was only 4 chairs wide) and brought her bible and song book.  

i had my bible out too, as this 3+ hour service was all in Creole. but mostly i attempted to read, write in my journal, and spend this time praying for people on my prayer list from home.  

as i prayed during some of the singing, i noticed she was the only one with her eyes closed.  her hands were out, open-palmed to the side, and she was truly basking in worship.  ashamedly, i admit i envied this moment she was having with the Lord.  being in a country where you dont speak the language, there arent very many corporate opportunities to worship freely (replace many with any at all).  and to be completely honest, I haven't been able to really engage in much worship time on my own, as privacy is practically a loss when living with about 70 other people. That's no excuse though; just because I haven't had the opportunity does not mean I could not have created the opportunity.

when the elder passed around the communion plate, i noticed she didn't take the bread and the wine.  honestly, i was shocked.   she met every other standard of "christian" i knew, and though i don't know a thing about her, or what kept her from communing with God, He was showing me it didn't matter that I didn't know.  this woman served as an illustration for how we as a culture, and myself as an individual, can sometimes miss the point.

we forsake communion with God, even when we've got everything else down pat; the behavior, the words, the actions to back it up.

in the week and a half i've been here, i've struggled to commune with God.  sure, i've read my Bible several times a day, more than I do at home sometimes. I've even finished two Christian life-style books (and i'm not a book finisher, ever). i've prayed throughout every day.  i've talked about God daily.  but really connected in communion with Him?  really gone deeper with Him than I have before, that I have not done.

so often we can get it so right, and miss the very mark we are intending on hitting.  we can focus our efforts, our intentions, our goals, our energy on being the person we think God expects us to be.  all the while, He's just asking us to commune with Him.  to sit with Him, to exchange your deepest fears and anxieties for His eternal, not-as-the-world-gives, peace.

you can love others all day long, but unless that is the Love that God has poured into your heart (Romans 5:5), it's never going to last.

take a moment.  just one even.  withdraw and sit with God.  confess your struggles and shortfalls.  receive His mercy and grace with Love.  proclaim His faithfulness.  declare your thankfulness, aloud.  don't miss out on what He has for you, on what He's already done for you, because you're too busy trying to "be" the Christian you think you ought.  just sit in His presence; commune with Him and be changed.