you're welcome.

"on their return the apostles told him all that they had done. and He took them and withdrew apart to a town called Bethsaida. When the crowds learned it, they followed him, and he welcomed them, and spoke to them of the kingdom of God and cured those who had need of healing." -Luke 9:10-11

i've read this passage possibly dozens of times over my Christian walk. most times, it just read simply like a transition, an often overlooked piece of connecting information from Jesus sending out the disciples, to the feeding of the 5,000. but as i've read it a few times this week, i kept thinking about these specific verses, and how they didn't quite fit with the Jesus i seemed to always read about and always hear about witdrawing for some solitude with the Father.

the other night, eager to spend some time away with jesus, i climbed up the concrete stairs next to the orphanage's kitchen and dining hall. the wide-open slab of cement is covered in tiny pebbles and lost laundry that have been baking from the sun above and the hot charcoal stoves below all day. even at dusk, it felt more than warm against my already-sweaty back.

i put on some worship music and wondered why i hadn't done this much before. it was peaceful up here; watching the clouds roll in off the coast and over the first hurdle of a mountain, as they tucked the city in for bed as night fell and the stars became more poignant.

i had barely begun to pray, and a little head popped up over the edge of the roof in front of me.

comment tu fais?, Ti Marie asked, still standing at the top of the staircase leading to the roof. i told her i was singing and praying, and that she could join if she wanted.

i thought about this passage, and how i probably wouldn't have invited her if i didn't know that Jesus would've done the very same thing. we (read: I) so often think, that to grow in intimacy with the Lord, we can only withdraw and be on our knees before Him. although that, too, is required of us, we can not get hung up on thinking that anything that comes in between that or takes away from that time is something we need to refuse or shy away from. i was ready to get on my knees, but Jesus was asking me to be His hands and feet instead.

Ti Marie joined me on the roof, and made a comment in French about how she couldn't understand the words to the music. i told her she didn't need to to know what to pray. and as my heart smiled and i thanked Jesus that He interupted this moment, i saw as she, too, closed her eyes and began to pray.

the conversation, the relationship, that took place was by far my most favorite memory here to date. we spoke candidly about our families and the struggles we've faced in them. she told me about her goals, and how she wants to go to dental school when she finishes school. she talked about her sisters, one of which is also here, how her mom passed away when she was young, how she felt abandoned and unloved by her father.

and then, i asked her if i could pray for her. she asked for prayers for her exams in July, and for love. i told her i would pray in English, otherwise we would be there a long time while I searched for all the french words to pray! :) and on that rooftop, I got to whsiper sweet prayers over a loving daughter of the Most High King; one that has been abandoned by her earthly father, and desperately needs to know and feel the overwhelming, unconditional, adoptive love of our Father in Heaven.

i love that God used this passage that i've read through on my way from Point A to Point B several dozens of times to speak truth and illuminate a situation so that when it occured, i would know not to shrink back and think that "choosing Him" would be choosing the better thing. He has me in Haiti for this very reason. to be an imitator of God, as beloved children, walking in Love, as Christ loved and gave Himself up (Ephesials 5:1-2). to love and welcome 'the least of these' (Matthew 25:40). to care for orphans in their allfiction (James 1:27).

i love that God used me in this moment, not because i'm "finally getting it right." but because of how long i've gotten it so wrong. sometimes being used by God just looks like being available, and allowing God to work through just 'being'. i accomplished nothing great in that moment. i solved zero world problems, nor did i institute a plan of spiritual, financial, or cultural redemption for a nation. but i was available, for one person, for one sweet moment. sometimes, the hands and feet of Jesus need to just sit still, and be.