It's been two-and-half weeks since I arrived in Cap-Haitien, and although the time has flown by, it feels like I've been here forever.
I live with two amazing girls, Tabitha, who has been here full time for almost a year now, and Anna, another intern that came here after graduation in May, and will be here until August. They are both super sweet, and we are all actually from Nashville, which is extra awesome! We are sharing a cozy, open, 2 bedroom upstairs apartment with a small kitchen/dining area and one bathroom. I can honestly say I am not even phased by the cold showers (paise the Lord!), something I totally dreaded after never getting used to them during my 4 months in st. marc! Anna and I each have a bottom bunk in our room, and most nights, I'm able to ninja my way into my mosquito net without letting any of those little punks in. On the nights I fail at that, I family miserably. It only takes one to be miserable all night!
I'm usually up sometime between 7:30 and 8, and spend about an hour making breakfast, reading my Bible, praying, getting dressed and checking Email etc. I love that I don't have to rush into my day, and that every day seems to take shape a little differently. my 'intern' title has sometimes meant drafting emails, addressing sponsorship letters or cards, or researching flights. other times, it's helping to get the kids to participate in trash duty, changing a poopy diaper, or just going about my business with a baby or little one in tote. Sometimes it looks like 10 young girls on our wooden couch and floor for a movie on my roommate's Mac, hearing, "puisse'm, Rhiannon," about 37 times from the swingset as i walk down the stairs, or (my personal favorite!) hugging and kissing the littlest ones goodnight in their room as I check in before bedtime. this past week, I translated an English application into French, a 5 page French application and list of requirements into English (I owe google translate Big-ups for their support in my efforts!), and photographed every single kiddo here at CHCH (all 63 of them!), which meant a lot of tracking down and convincing (and bringing back-up, multiple times!) the older kids to flash their beautiful smiles for a photo or two.
And as is everything here in Haiti, spent much of today waiting... For each picture to upload to the website. Two by two, with my fastest download speed clocking in at a lightning-speed-pace of seven minutes!, I sat at the computer waiting for each to complete (and monitoring so it didn't time or or sign me out for being inactive every five minutes!). Aside from my blog, ive never worked with an actual website. It took a lot of getting used to the ins and outs of how to navigate it all, but alas, this project is DONE!
You can find the photo directory of all these beautiful kiddos on the official CHCH website: http://caphaitienchildrenshome.org/Photo_Directory_BKUY.php
Please consider sponsoring a child, checking out the blog, helping to fund a need, or just even staying updated with all that is going on here at CHCH!
I love the variety in what I'm doing right now. I'm not locked in an office all day, but I am getting the chance to help complete needed administrative tasks. I'm also getting to spend as much time with the kiddos as I want, forming relationships, practicing my creole, laughing, playing, hugging and just loving on them. Plus, there is always the random trip into town, a sensory-overload trip through the market, quiet times at sunset ontop of the roof of the kitchen and dining hall, and off-site adventures like hiking to the cross or spending Sunday mornings at church or with the weekly bible study group.
I'm so blessed that God has given me an opportunity to learn from these kiddos and from the wonderful team of full-timer's here at CHCH. He has seriously been so so good to me, and I hate that my time in cap is half over already!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
you're welcome.
"on their return the apostles told him all that they had done. and He took them and withdrew apart to a town called Bethsaida. When the crowds learned it, they followed him, and he welcomed them, and spoke to them of the kingdom of God and cured those who had need of healing." -Luke 9:10-11
i've read this passage possibly dozens of times over my Christian walk. most times, it just read simply like a transition, an often overlooked piece of connecting information from Jesus sending out the disciples, to the feeding of the 5,000. but as i've read it a few times this week, i kept thinking about these specific verses, and how they didn't quite fit with the Jesus i seemed to always read about and always hear about witdrawing for some solitude with the Father.
the other night, eager to spend some time away with jesus, i climbed up the concrete stairs next to the orphanage's kitchen and dining hall. the wide-open slab of cement is covered in tiny pebbles and lost laundry that have been baking from the sun above and the hot charcoal stoves below all day. even at dusk, it felt more than warm against my already-sweaty back.
i put on some worship music and wondered why i hadn't done this much before. it was peaceful up here; watching the clouds roll in off the coast and over the first hurdle of a mountain, as they tucked the city in for bed as night fell and the stars became more poignant.
i had barely begun to pray, and a little head popped up over the edge of the roof in front of me.
comment tu fais?, Ti Marie asked, still standing at the top of the staircase leading to the roof. i told her i was singing and praying, and that she could join if she wanted.
i thought about this passage, and how i probably wouldn't have invited her if i didn't know that Jesus would've done the very same thing. we (read: I) so often think, that to grow in intimacy with the Lord, we can only withdraw and be on our knees before Him. although that, too, is required of us, we can not get hung up on thinking that anything that comes in between that or takes away from that time is something we need to refuse or shy away from. i was ready to get on my knees, but Jesus was asking me to be His hands and feet instead.
Ti Marie joined me on the roof, and made a comment in French about how she couldn't understand the words to the music. i told her she didn't need to to know what to pray. and as my heart smiled and i thanked Jesus that He interupted this moment, i saw as she, too, closed her eyes and began to pray.
the conversation, the relationship, that took place was by far my most favorite memory here to date. we spoke candidly about our families and the struggles we've faced in them. she told me about her goals, and how she wants to go to dental school when she finishes school. she talked about her sisters, one of which is also here, how her mom passed away when she was young, how she felt abandoned and unloved by her father.
and then, i asked her if i could pray for her. she asked for prayers for her exams in July, and for love. i told her i would pray in English, otherwise we would be there a long time while I searched for all the french words to pray! :) and on that rooftop, I got to whsiper sweet prayers over a loving daughter of the Most High King; one that has been abandoned by her earthly father, and desperately needs to know and feel the overwhelming, unconditional, adoptive love of our Father in Heaven.
i love that God used this passage that i've read through on my way from Point A to Point B several dozens of times to speak truth and illuminate a situation so that when it occured, i would know not to shrink back and think that "choosing Him" would be choosing the better thing. He has me in Haiti for this very reason. to be an imitator of God, as beloved children, walking in Love, as Christ loved and gave Himself up (Ephesials 5:1-2). to love and welcome 'the least of these' (Matthew 25:40). to care for orphans in their allfiction (James 1:27).
i love that God used me in this moment, not because i'm "finally getting it right." but because of how long i've gotten it so wrong. sometimes being used by God just looks like being available, and allowing God to work through just 'being'. i accomplished nothing great in that moment. i solved zero world problems, nor did i institute a plan of spiritual, financial, or cultural redemption for a nation. but i was available, for one person, for one sweet moment. sometimes, the hands and feet of Jesus need to just sit still, and be.
i've read this passage possibly dozens of times over my Christian walk. most times, it just read simply like a transition, an often overlooked piece of connecting information from Jesus sending out the disciples, to the feeding of the 5,000. but as i've read it a few times this week, i kept thinking about these specific verses, and how they didn't quite fit with the Jesus i seemed to always read about and always hear about witdrawing for some solitude with the Father.
the other night, eager to spend some time away with jesus, i climbed up the concrete stairs next to the orphanage's kitchen and dining hall. the wide-open slab of cement is covered in tiny pebbles and lost laundry that have been baking from the sun above and the hot charcoal stoves below all day. even at dusk, it felt more than warm against my already-sweaty back.
i put on some worship music and wondered why i hadn't done this much before. it was peaceful up here; watching the clouds roll in off the coast and over the first hurdle of a mountain, as they tucked the city in for bed as night fell and the stars became more poignant.
i had barely begun to pray, and a little head popped up over the edge of the roof in front of me.
comment tu fais?, Ti Marie asked, still standing at the top of the staircase leading to the roof. i told her i was singing and praying, and that she could join if she wanted.
i thought about this passage, and how i probably wouldn't have invited her if i didn't know that Jesus would've done the very same thing. we (read: I) so often think, that to grow in intimacy with the Lord, we can only withdraw and be on our knees before Him. although that, too, is required of us, we can not get hung up on thinking that anything that comes in between that or takes away from that time is something we need to refuse or shy away from. i was ready to get on my knees, but Jesus was asking me to be His hands and feet instead.
Ti Marie joined me on the roof, and made a comment in French about how she couldn't understand the words to the music. i told her she didn't need to to know what to pray. and as my heart smiled and i thanked Jesus that He interupted this moment, i saw as she, too, closed her eyes and began to pray.
the conversation, the relationship, that took place was by far my most favorite memory here to date. we spoke candidly about our families and the struggles we've faced in them. she told me about her goals, and how she wants to go to dental school when she finishes school. she talked about her sisters, one of which is also here, how her mom passed away when she was young, how she felt abandoned and unloved by her father.
and then, i asked her if i could pray for her. she asked for prayers for her exams in July, and for love. i told her i would pray in English, otherwise we would be there a long time while I searched for all the french words to pray! :) and on that rooftop, I got to whsiper sweet prayers over a loving daughter of the Most High King; one that has been abandoned by her earthly father, and desperately needs to know and feel the overwhelming, unconditional, adoptive love of our Father in Heaven.
i love that God used this passage that i've read through on my way from Point A to Point B several dozens of times to speak truth and illuminate a situation so that when it occured, i would know not to shrink back and think that "choosing Him" would be choosing the better thing. He has me in Haiti for this very reason. to be an imitator of God, as beloved children, walking in Love, as Christ loved and gave Himself up (Ephesials 5:1-2). to love and welcome 'the least of these' (Matthew 25:40). to care for orphans in their allfiction (James 1:27).
i love that God used me in this moment, not because i'm "finally getting it right." but because of how long i've gotten it so wrong. sometimes being used by God just looks like being available, and allowing God to work through just 'being'. i accomplished nothing great in that moment. i solved zero world problems, nor did i institute a plan of spiritual, financial, or cultural redemption for a nation. but i was available, for one person, for one sweet moment. sometimes, the hands and feet of Jesus need to just sit still, and be.
Monday, June 25, 2012
communion.
church was supposed to begin at 9 am. i knew because they were in the process of paiting it on the wall just outside of the door. you could tell the building was new-er, with most of the paint intact, and the tile still slightly clean, albeit with spots of cement and paint that had haphazardly dripped about in the process.
we had driven out to terrier rouge, a small community about 40 minutes from Cap Haitien, toward the Dominican border. we got there with a few minutes to spare, and with an absence of chairs in the church, i took a seat on the floor. somehow, (i later came to find they were borrowed by some neighbors) a few of the guys began bringing in a hodge podge of plastic patio chairs and metal folding chairs. people trickled in, and had there been a clock, i'm sure it wouldve said 9:30 when we finally begun.
she got there earlier than most. she took a seat on the other side of the aisle (it was only 4 chairs wide) and brought her bible and song book.
i had my bible out too, as this 3+ hour service was all in Creole. but mostly i attempted to read, write in my journal, and spend this time praying for people on my prayer list from home.
as i prayed during some of the singing, i noticed she was the only one with her eyes closed. her hands were out, open-palmed to the side, and she was truly basking in worship. ashamedly, i admit i envied this moment she was having with the Lord. being in a country where you dont speak the language, there arent very many corporate opportunities to worship freely (replace many with any at all). and to be completely honest, I haven't been able to really engage in much worship time on my own, as privacy is practically a loss when living with about 70 other people. That's no excuse though; just because I haven't had the opportunity does not mean I could not have created the opportunity.
when the elder passed around the communion plate, i noticed she didn't take the bread and the wine. honestly, i was shocked. she met every other standard of "christian" i knew, and though i don't know a thing about her, or what kept her from communing with God, He was showing me it didn't matter that I didn't know. this woman served as an illustration for how we as a culture, and myself as an individual, can sometimes miss the point.
we forsake communion with God, even when we've got everything else down pat; the behavior, the words, the actions to back it up.
in the week and a half i've been here, i've struggled to commune with God. sure, i've read my Bible several times a day, more than I do at home sometimes. I've even finished two Christian life-style books (and i'm not a book finisher, ever). i've prayed throughout every day. i've talked about God daily. but really connected in communion with Him? really gone deeper with Him than I have before, that I have not done.
so often we can get it so right, and miss the very mark we are intending on hitting. we can focus our efforts, our intentions, our goals, our energy on being the person we think God expects us to be. all the while, He's just asking us to commune with Him. to sit with Him, to exchange your deepest fears and anxieties for His eternal, not-as-the-world-gives, peace.
you can love others all day long, but unless that is the Love that God has poured into your heart (Romans 5:5), it's never going to last.
take a moment. just one even. withdraw and sit with God. confess your struggles and shortfalls. receive His mercy and grace with Love. proclaim His faithfulness. declare your thankfulness, aloud. don't miss out on what He has for you, on what He's already done for you, because you're too busy trying to "be" the Christian you think you ought. just sit in His presence; commune with Him and be changed.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
16 But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. -Luke 5:16
Much unlike the time I spend in the states, I've been doing a lot of reading, both in the word and in two books I'm currently reading. I'm not going to lie, all of it has been extremely challenging material. The Bible isn't a "have it your way," sort of book. It speaks very explicitly about how we should live and love. And more often than not, I find myself reading the words and then doing pretty much the opposite. love your neighbor as yourself, and then I find myself annoyed when I try to take a nap with 10 sweet little neighbors playing loudly in my living room. Forgetting they don't have a living room to spend time in.
I read this verse this morning, about Jesus withdrawing from the crowds, and finding a place by himself to pray. It's sort of hard to do that here, when you share a room with two other girls and a property with about 70+ other people. Do not get me wrong: I love it!!! I'm just saying, it is difficult to make that a priority when there isn't that lonely place to withdraw to.
I'm learning there is a balance you must maintain, one that changes shape for each season of your life. In my most recent season in Nashville, so much of my worship time was structured and organized, and I didnt have to find time each day, because I already had carved it out. This new season leads me into a time I need to be like even more like Jesus, not only how He loves, but also how he withdrew from crowds to pray.
I'm learning lots here, and I'm by no means perfect. I'm not striving for perfect. Perfection, not only unattainable, requires no grace. I'm striving for each day to bring me one step closer to looking like Jesus. I'm glad He doesn't desire perfection from me; He'd be sorely disappointed. Thenk you Lord for grace.
Also, prayer request: for several years, I've been getting hives for no apparent reason. Today, they sort of came on full force and my whole chest and neck broke out in small, itchy hives. My jawline, nose, palms, and forearms have also been incurrably itchy, but what concerns me is that my chest feels tight, as if it is something ive ingested. I have a constant desire to pop my chest and back hoping to relieve the pressure, but its almost like a burning, tight pain. Please be praying whatever it is goes away,and that my body is protected from future attacks. I've only eaten food that I've prepared, and no street food (sad, I know!), so if it is food related, it has to be something with the water (what we drink is purified,) or with produce (which I don't eat the skin, and wash with soap and water). Anyway, please just be praying as its more uncomfortable than anything.
love you all, mean it!
Much unlike the time I spend in the states, I've been doing a lot of reading, both in the word and in two books I'm currently reading. I'm not going to lie, all of it has been extremely challenging material. The Bible isn't a "have it your way," sort of book. It speaks very explicitly about how we should live and love. And more often than not, I find myself reading the words and then doing pretty much the opposite. love your neighbor as yourself, and then I find myself annoyed when I try to take a nap with 10 sweet little neighbors playing loudly in my living room. Forgetting they don't have a living room to spend time in.
I read this verse this morning, about Jesus withdrawing from the crowds, and finding a place by himself to pray. It's sort of hard to do that here, when you share a room with two other girls and a property with about 70+ other people. Do not get me wrong: I love it!!! I'm just saying, it is difficult to make that a priority when there isn't that lonely place to withdraw to.
I'm learning there is a balance you must maintain, one that changes shape for each season of your life. In my most recent season in Nashville, so much of my worship time was structured and organized, and I didnt have to find time each day, because I already had carved it out. This new season leads me into a time I need to be like even more like Jesus, not only how He loves, but also how he withdrew from crowds to pray.
I'm learning lots here, and I'm by no means perfect. I'm not striving for perfect. Perfection, not only unattainable, requires no grace. I'm striving for each day to bring me one step closer to looking like Jesus. I'm glad He doesn't desire perfection from me; He'd be sorely disappointed. Thenk you Lord for grace.
Also, prayer request: for several years, I've been getting hives for no apparent reason. Today, they sort of came on full force and my whole chest and neck broke out in small, itchy hives. My jawline, nose, palms, and forearms have also been incurrably itchy, but what concerns me is that my chest feels tight, as if it is something ive ingested. I have a constant desire to pop my chest and back hoping to relieve the pressure, but its almost like a burning, tight pain. Please be praying whatever it is goes away,and that my body is protected from future attacks. I've only eaten food that I've prepared, and no street food (sad, I know!), so if it is food related, it has to be something with the water (what we drink is purified,) or with produce (which I don't eat the skin, and wash with soap and water). Anyway, please just be praying as its more uncomfortable than anything.
love you all, mean it!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
the cross.
i set my alarm for 5:45 this morning, but as it began to ring, the last thing i wanted to do was get out of bed. i'm not a morning person, in the slightest. it takes everything i have to get out of bed that early during the school year. but being still fresh to cap haitien, i wanted to make the most out of my first weekend here.
shortly after arriving, Tabitha told me they were planning on hiking up a mountain to this big cement white cross at the top, with apparently an amazing view of the entire city. remembering my time in St. Marc and our hikes to the fort, i was all over that idea. i love to see more of this country, and i'm pretty keen on hikes.*
12* of us piled into the truck and headed for the base of the mountain. we drove through downtown and parked at the edge of this little village that was built into the bottom of the mountainside. walking up the paved/sidewalk/road area, i was already feeling a little ... well, i guess it's called "out of shape." i've been told that this hike would be hard, but also that an 80 year old man with a cane passed another group as they sat for a break.
i am not going to lie: this may have been the hardest thing ive ever done. it was truly difficult. the path was steep, the rocks and gravel were so dry that the wrong placement with your footing could send you tumbling down. much of the path resembeled less than a goat trail, and we were fighting our way through cactus, thorny-bramble, and saw grass for much of the hike. i'm not fully confident i would ever do it again.
but then, finally (as in, i'm leaving out much of the 1 hr 45 min hike, because it would paint the picture of how we got passed by an old man with a cow, and several women and children), we (painfully, exhaustedly) reached the top. and wow, the view was incredible. you could see parts of this city you didnt even know existed. the entire coastline, the airport, this canal that lead to this random and large area of nothing but green. and the air, it was so cool that we actually had goosebumps. goosebumps! in HAITI! there was a cave through the rock at the tip of the mountain that was cut out on the end, and you could stare endlessly over the city a mile or two below us with the cool breeze blowing through.
and then, there was the cross. it was towering and white, and built by men that wouldve had to carry the cement bag by bag up the steep incline. it was a dedicated task, and it was beautiful.
what struck me the most as we sat and chatted and ooh'ed and ahhh'ed and ate our cliff bars and crackers was this woman that sat on a rock a few meters from us. with her hands raised and eyes closed, she loudly worshiped the Lord sitting right there. armed with lttle more than a bible and her rosery, she worshiped Him as if none of us were right there, as if nothing else mattered.
it was at that moment that my heart broke. this woman, had traveled all this distance in sandals to come worship at the cross, and here i was to just come and see the spectical. what a fan of jesus i had become; as she sat there as a true follower. it made me think about how often we do that in life: we come to "see" jesus. we even hike the really steep hills and fight through our own weakness to go and "see" him. but how many times do we actually realize that in all our efforts, we just want to stand and look and ooh and ahh, maybe throw Him a high five, and then walk right back down the mountain to be on our way? this woman hiked the distance with the intention of worshipping Him. she hiked the long, difficult, miles-long terrain with the intention of meeting with God, not just looking at Him. i was embarrassed by my jesus-tourism. seeing the sights and the city and the cross is not wrong, not in the slightest. God created the heavens and the earth, and i believe He takes delight when we take the time to notice the glory that they declare in His name. but it just made real to me the sacfrice that is required of us as believers, the sacrifice that is nothing compared to the cross.
that woman, although i know nothing more of her than she was a true worshipper* taught me much today. jesus used her as a reminder that when i come to Him, He doesn't want me to just point, and look, and take pictures of the granduer that i appreciate. He desires, and deserves, my intentional and sacrificial worship.
----
*except for that first one in st marc. when i was already sunburnt, so i wore long sleeves. and went after eating chocolate chip pancakes with plenty of syrup. and it was 100+ that day. and i nearly passed out. but i claim pro status to every other trip we took there.
*12 + the 10 Haitians we dropped off at the basketball courts downtown for practice. totally normal, btw.
*and wore a t-shirt that said "no one is the boss of me"
shortly after arriving, Tabitha told me they were planning on hiking up a mountain to this big cement white cross at the top, with apparently an amazing view of the entire city. remembering my time in St. Marc and our hikes to the fort, i was all over that idea. i love to see more of this country, and i'm pretty keen on hikes.*
12* of us piled into the truck and headed for the base of the mountain. we drove through downtown and parked at the edge of this little village that was built into the bottom of the mountainside. walking up the paved/sidewalk/road area, i was already feeling a little ... well, i guess it's called "out of shape." i've been told that this hike would be hard, but also that an 80 year old man with a cane passed another group as they sat for a break.
i am not going to lie: this may have been the hardest thing ive ever done. it was truly difficult. the path was steep, the rocks and gravel were so dry that the wrong placement with your footing could send you tumbling down. much of the path resembeled less than a goat trail, and we were fighting our way through cactus, thorny-bramble, and saw grass for much of the hike. i'm not fully confident i would ever do it again.
but then, finally (as in, i'm leaving out much of the 1 hr 45 min hike, because it would paint the picture of how we got passed by an old man with a cow, and several women and children), we (painfully, exhaustedly) reached the top. and wow, the view was incredible. you could see parts of this city you didnt even know existed. the entire coastline, the airport, this canal that lead to this random and large area of nothing but green. and the air, it was so cool that we actually had goosebumps. goosebumps! in HAITI! there was a cave through the rock at the tip of the mountain that was cut out on the end, and you could stare endlessly over the city a mile or two below us with the cool breeze blowing through.
and then, there was the cross. it was towering and white, and built by men that wouldve had to carry the cement bag by bag up the steep incline. it was a dedicated task, and it was beautiful.
what struck me the most as we sat and chatted and ooh'ed and ahhh'ed and ate our cliff bars and crackers was this woman that sat on a rock a few meters from us. with her hands raised and eyes closed, she loudly worshiped the Lord sitting right there. armed with lttle more than a bible and her rosery, she worshiped Him as if none of us were right there, as if nothing else mattered.
it was at that moment that my heart broke. this woman, had traveled all this distance in sandals to come worship at the cross, and here i was to just come and see the spectical. what a fan of jesus i had become; as she sat there as a true follower. it made me think about how often we do that in life: we come to "see" jesus. we even hike the really steep hills and fight through our own weakness to go and "see" him. but how many times do we actually realize that in all our efforts, we just want to stand and look and ooh and ahh, maybe throw Him a high five, and then walk right back down the mountain to be on our way? this woman hiked the distance with the intention of worshipping Him. she hiked the long, difficult, miles-long terrain with the intention of meeting with God, not just looking at Him. i was embarrassed by my jesus-tourism. seeing the sights and the city and the cross is not wrong, not in the slightest. God created the heavens and the earth, and i believe He takes delight when we take the time to notice the glory that they declare in His name. but it just made real to me the sacfrice that is required of us as believers, the sacrifice that is nothing compared to the cross.
that woman, although i know nothing more of her than she was a true worshipper* taught me much today. jesus used her as a reminder that when i come to Him, He doesn't want me to just point, and look, and take pictures of the granduer that i appreciate. He desires, and deserves, my intentional and sacrificial worship.
----
*except for that first one in st marc. when i was already sunburnt, so i wore long sleeves. and went after eating chocolate chip pancakes with plenty of syrup. and it was 100+ that day. and i nearly passed out. but i claim pro status to every other trip we took there.
*12 + the 10 Haitians we dropped off at the basketball courts downtown for practice. totally normal, btw.
*and wore a t-shirt that said "no one is the boss of me"
Friday, June 15, 2012
the difference
jesus doesn't mess around. with yesterday being my first full day, I was definitely not prepared ... in my own flesh.
and for good reason: i was never meant to be. we were never meant to be self-sufficient people. beyond needing others, we need Him. period. we can do nothing on our own strength.
and i am honored and humbled that he used yesterday, my first day, to teach me that. he didn't wait until i had a routine and thought i had become fine without Him spurring me on. He didn't wait until I learned to walk holding His hand, and then think I could walk on my own. He came right of the bat, to prove to me that if i tried to do this in my own strength, I would surely not make it beyond day one.
here i was, thinking, hmm, i've done this before. i work with kids for a living. i've spent 4 months in Haiti. i've got the mosquito-net-and-eye-mask bedtime routine down.
not.
in my own strength, i had a headache from the time i got up. i was running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before I came, and didn't get much sleep that first night after battling sweats and the mozzi's in my holey-net. driving to the grocery, sitting and waiting, i nearly fell asleep (and wanted nothing more to do than just that). whatever it was, i had about zero appetite, eating half of an avocado for dinner (and y'all know me and my avocadoes. I could eat like 3 or 4 in one sitting!). i was really struggling to stay excited and joyful when i was physically and spiritually feeling empty.
during devo time, i was so exhausted that the craziness of the kids was about to drive me insane. but as they clapped and sang about jesus, as they prayed simply and candidly, my heart broke, and my eyes welled with tears.
jesus, you are too good. to use even me. with my hardened heart. with my pride. with my so-called, so-thought self-sufficiency. that you would be able to do anything good in me or through me, i'm amazed.
but He did. and He called me. and I came.
but He revealed to me that that is just about all I can, and will be able to, do. anything else is through Him and in His strength. i can not conjuur joy on my own. I can not express love withouth first realizing His love for me and for others. i can not even begin to understand humility if I think I have anything to offer aside from Christ.
i think the Lord wanted me to see what opperating without His Holy Spirit looks like, so not only would I become aware of my depravity and need for it, but also that I would become desperate for resolution of it.
and why? because He cares just that much about me, about us. that He would not even let me, for one day, try to run on my own strength. He is, without fail, so faithful to His children.
and who would've thunk it: today, has been amazing. my joy, my love, my willingness to be used for Him and by Him, exponentilly different than yesterday.
thank you Jesus. and thank you for your prayers and for your encouragement throughout this journey.
and for good reason: i was never meant to be. we were never meant to be self-sufficient people. beyond needing others, we need Him. period. we can do nothing on our own strength.
and i am honored and humbled that he used yesterday, my first day, to teach me that. he didn't wait until i had a routine and thought i had become fine without Him spurring me on. He didn't wait until I learned to walk holding His hand, and then think I could walk on my own. He came right of the bat, to prove to me that if i tried to do this in my own strength, I would surely not make it beyond day one.
here i was, thinking, hmm, i've done this before. i work with kids for a living. i've spent 4 months in Haiti. i've got the mosquito-net-and-eye-mask bedtime routine down.
not.
in my own strength, i had a headache from the time i got up. i was running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before I came, and didn't get much sleep that first night after battling sweats and the mozzi's in my holey-net. driving to the grocery, sitting and waiting, i nearly fell asleep (and wanted nothing more to do than just that). whatever it was, i had about zero appetite, eating half of an avocado for dinner (and y'all know me and my avocadoes. I could eat like 3 or 4 in one sitting!). i was really struggling to stay excited and joyful when i was physically and spiritually feeling empty.
during devo time, i was so exhausted that the craziness of the kids was about to drive me insane. but as they clapped and sang about jesus, as they prayed simply and candidly, my heart broke, and my eyes welled with tears.
jesus, you are too good. to use even me. with my hardened heart. with my pride. with my so-called, so-thought self-sufficiency. that you would be able to do anything good in me or through me, i'm amazed.
but He did. and He called me. and I came.
but He revealed to me that that is just about all I can, and will be able to, do. anything else is through Him and in His strength. i can not conjuur joy on my own. I can not express love withouth first realizing His love for me and for others. i can not even begin to understand humility if I think I have anything to offer aside from Christ.
i think the Lord wanted me to see what opperating without His Holy Spirit looks like, so not only would I become aware of my depravity and need for it, but also that I would become desperate for resolution of it.
and why? because He cares just that much about me, about us. that He would not even let me, for one day, try to run on my own strength. He is, without fail, so faithful to His children.
and who would've thunk it: today, has been amazing. my joy, my love, my willingness to be used for Him and by Him, exponentilly different than yesterday.
thank you Jesus. and thank you for your prayers and for your encouragement throughout this journey.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
i'm here!
Just a short post to let you know I've made it! God provided an abundance of favor and grace during todays travels and four airports!
The children here are amazing. the staff here is amazing. As i get to know them all better, and have a better idea of what i will be doing, I willkeep you clued in! At thispoint, I'll be helping to organize weekend activities, devo's for the little ones a couple times a week, help with teams that are coming in and out, spend one-on-one time with each of the kiddos (there are just over 60!), and help out with administrative and sponsorship odds and ends as they are delegated. from what i hear, they get up at 5:45, so i should shower and hit the sack.
your prayers have been beyond precious to me, please keep them up. Love you all. Thank you Jesus for this opportunity to serve the least of these. may I be a glimpse of your love. fill me with your love, that by your Spirit alone I would be empowered to serve.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
He IS Faithful.
i hate posts like this, because i never truly know where to begin. brevity is not a skill i'm terribly familiar with, and posts don't lend themselves well to resemble chapters. for the sake of repeating myself, check out the previous posts i've written regarding this journey back to Haiti.
start here: how it began
then read: His promise
so, this is where the story left off: a week after a heartbreaking loss of a dream, standing firm on God's promise of faithfulness, and hearing His reassuring voice telling me to 'expect in Hope, believe for things beyond what you can see and know. For I know the plans I have for you.'
Since that Tuesday night surrender on the staircase, I've not turned back. I've declared His faithfulness to everyone I know. I've stood firm in believing He had a plan, even if that plan was a swept-up-and-pieced-back-together version of my original plan.
i felt as if the Lord specifically asked me not to search anything out. you see, i'm a fixer. if it doesn't work, i wanna make it work. but I felt as if God said, leave this one to Me. let Me handle this, and you just wait to see My faithfulness revealed.
so, God said go to haiti. and then He took away my plans to go to Haiti. and then He told me not to make any other plans.
ok, yeah, right. just making sure. ok, yep. still doesn't make any sense.
so for over two months, I waited. i declared His faithfulness, and I sat on my hands.
then, sometime around mid-to-late April, i was reading a blog that i've followed for some time now, and felt as if the Lord released me to email them. i had been hearing about another mission organization, but didn't feel released to email them. so, this was interesting. for two months, I felt like I wasn't supposed to search anything out, then now, all of the sudden, it was okay?
I wrote a brief email and prayed over it with Lauren. before we prayed, i told her about this organization, and the other, and how for some reason, i was feeling so warm to this. she said she felt the same thing, and knew nothing about it. so i sent her the link, and i sent out the email.
and received nothing back.
a week later, i'm back on the blog, and see they've just returned to Haiti, and everything there hit the fan at once, per usual in Haiti, and prayed about emailing them again. after that weekend, i decided to email a different contact listed. plus, they had just posted pictures of two sweet sisters that needed sponsorship. the younger one was named Christela, meaning Christ is here in Creole. i only knew that because I had a conversation about another little girl with the same name. her picture jumped off the page at me, and i knew i had to email to find out more about her.
and again, i didn't hear back.
a couple days later, lauren (who had slyly checked out the blog and inquired about the sponsorship, too!) tells me that she got an email back. at this point, i'm pretty much seeing this as a closed door. God seemed to be in the business of closing doors. no matter how much i knew it to be true, i declared His faithfulness over this situation time and time again with confidence in the Spirit, but began to grow exceedingly discouraged in the flesh.
as i waited to try on some things at the mall, my phone vibrated with an email.
there. is. no. way.
i rushed into the fitting room and open the email. he apologized for letting my email slip through the cracks, and said that their internet had also been down. they had all the help they needed ...until recent weeks, when 2 interns backed out. if they decided to accept another person, they would send me an application. so the dressing room became my prayer closet. i began praying for the heavens and earth to be moved and for opportunity to be presented. 30 minutes later, i receive an application and such encouraging words from the other staff member that I had tried contacting.
later on that evening, i was re-reading the email, and noticed the timestamp: Thursday, May 3rd. that couldn't be. today was saturday. and i got this today, just around noon. it says it was received at 1:48. it didn't add up. I checked the second email. It had been sent that morning, but more than 3 hours before i actually received it.
i realized that on the same day that email was supposedly sent, was the day i went for that run; and although i didn't understand it then, i can't help to think about my obedience and faith in the absence of sight and making-sense, helped to loosen somethings in the spiritual realm as i followed the Lord's path regardless of where it took me.
over the weekend, I manage to write a laughable 12 pages, single spaced, to complete the application. i sent it off. and waited. and waited. and waited.
as i reached the "we'll-get-back-to-you-within-14-days" limit, the flame of hope i had began to extinguish. as i drove to work this tuesday morning, i took the time i usually dedicated to praying for haiti (that's been my tuesday itinerary since i've returned), and just started declaring God's faithfulness even in the absence of the answer i was hoping for. my heart truly had reached the point of knowing that no matter what, His plan was perfect and would prevail. I felt so much peace as i relinquished my own plans and my own hope for this summer to Jesus, knowing that my hope was in Him, not in what my next 2 months looked like. as i prayed for protection from discouragement, i truly felt an abundance of joy and excitement, even as i laid down my dreams. i realized the role haiti played in my journey of faith, and how it was the place that i truly fell in love with jesus. because of that, there was an emotional attachment to this country, and my trip would be a sort of pilgrimage back to a sweet, sweet time in my spiritual walk. realizing all this, i just began to confess to the Lord that i didn't need to go somewhere else to love Jesus; that I would be committed to doing that this summer regardless of where I was. His peace washed over me, and i met my colleagues and kinders with such an abundance of joy on that last full day of school.
we had a dance party to "gettin' jiggy wit' it" (big ups to will smith!) during morning announcements, and i held nothing back. my silliness was in full force, as two of my kiddos told me to quit teaching and pick up a career as a dance instructor or as a cheerleader (if only a cheerleader was a legitimate job past the age of 18!). it was game and movie day, and as the kids played, i watched each of them take on their own independent roles without guidance. it brought tears to my eyes, thinking about where they were on the opposite end of this year, and just how far they had come. i chuckled as one of my sweet ones sat delegating, not even playing!, the game she had brought. another one explained the instructions in detail of his game and lead the other three as they played. it was so precious to watch them as i was hands-off completely.
as i packed and moved my things, and the other teacher had begun moving her things into my room, i remember meeting her distraction with such patience and joy; i truly wasn't even bothered or inconvenienced in the slightest, and i was so thankful for this abundance of joy that the Lord had put in my heart! even in light of everything, HE WAS FAITHFUL! and He provided joy and peace in ABUNDANCE!
so, when i sat down at my computer, and saw an email from the orphanage, my immediate response was to pray against discouragement, that my heart would be protected and preserved, and not feel rejection. i scanned through the first few sentences, and saw ... wait, what? we would love to have you on our team! wait, WHAT?! i jumped up, ran across the hall and squealed with excitement as i told allie that i got the internship! as i walked back in the classroom, my kinders were convinced that i had won the lottery. i love that they thought that. that is what a 5 year old brain equates to the amount of excitement they saw me in! one of my sweet little girls had just asked to go get a drink down the hall, and when i saw she was still standing there, i asked her if she was still going to go. she responded that she wanted to wait and find out why i was so excited first! how stinkin' sweet was that!? they were SO excited for me, and as i announced what was going on in the most simplest of terms, one of my precious little boys said, "oh! so, you're going to help then?!" i loved every second of it, and then they all met me on the carpet for the biggest group hug squeeze ever! what better way to celebrate such amazing news than with these sweet little babes of mine!
i asked allie to keep an eye on my little ones for a minute so i could go share with deana down the hall. she had prayed with me, and for me, multiple times this year for this situation to all fall into place, and i couldn't wait to tell her! I walked in as she was giving instructions and i was just jumping up and down; i don't even know if i said anything. her eyes got so big and she shrieked and tears began as we just declared His faithfulness to each other over and over and over as she hugged me so tightly in congratulations! i am so thankful for her and her support and prayers over these past two years, and could not imagine a woman more solid in her faith to have as a mentor and co-worker. i was so blessed to share in this sweet moment with her, too!
so with the excitement came with the reality, that amidst the end of school biz and graduation and cleaning out my room and moving classrooms, i had to actually finalize plans for this trip! insanely long and frustrating story short, i spent much of wednesday trying to locate a flight that did not have an overnight on either side of the trip in miami/ft laudy, and that would leave port-au-prince to return to florida sometime around the same time as my church team that i would be meeting up with in Jacmel. i spent much of the day searching expedia, priceline, and individual sites, to no avail. finally, i found a flight that left two hours before my team, but didn't have an overnight layover. i was close to booking it, but didn't feel peace, even though i got the go-ahead from our trip coordinator. later that night, after searching again and again, i decided to book that flight. but instead, i found one that left just about the same time as our TVC team! as i clicked to book it, it also was one of the rare two that didn't have an overnight layover!! then, i notice, it's $30 cheaper than the flight i was going to book!!! as i am filling in info and choosing my seats, i realize, the last leg (PAP to MIA, and MIA to TPA!) is FIRST CLASS!!!! i'm cracking up as i am just thanking God for His goodness and provision!!
i email it to our coordinator, who promptly responds that she loves how much God is in the details, because that is the same flight they are on leaving the country! (we'll both fly to MIA, where they will continue to nash as I head back to tampa!). Seriously. God, you are SO GOOD. and you just keep one-upping yourself!!!
all of this to say one thing: HE. IS. FAITHFUL. He is ABSOLUTELY faithful. I love His timing; down to the last moment, and yet, PERFECT. Always. He waited until I surrendered completely every plan of mine to His perfect will, only to reveal that my dreams and desires and hopes were fully aligned. He waited until I declared Him faithful, even in the absence of an answer that I had been hoping for, and did it with sincerity, faith, and joy; and then, He gave me my hearts desires. He waited until I was fully satisfied in Him alone, and not the fruition of His faithfulness or His plans, and then, He gave them to me anyway.
He is faithful, He is faithful, He is faithful. Praise God. He has been in every detail, and I trust that if He is this present in the constructive stages of the trip, He will absolutely not abandon me any step of the way!
Thank you Jesus, all of this is because of You! for You! through You! by YOU! Most amazingly of all, You are using each step of the past 6 months to declare Your glory. Hallelujah, for great is He who works all things together for my good!
So, June 13-July 14th, I will be serving with the Cap Haitien Children's Home, in Cap Haitien on the northern coast of Haiti! For more information about them check out their website, follow their blog, and become a fan of their Facebook page! After my month-long internship with CHCH, I will be spending a week as planned in St. Marc, Haiti at YWAM, where I taught in 2010. the final 8 days of my trip will be spent with a team from my home church in Nashville, The Village Chapel, in Jacmel serving with the Hands and Feet Project at their local orphanage!
I could not be more excited for this adventure I am about to embark on. I can not put into words the journey the Lord took me on during my 4 months in Haiti in 2010. Without doubt, it was formidable in the level of faith and intimacy with the Lord today. As much as my heart romanticizes the time i spent in Haiti, my head (and tummy!) remember all too well that it can be a frustrating and miserable place, too. I love the duality of the country, and relate to it all too well. Living in unfamiliar, uncomfortable circumstances is like using the contrast feature when editing pictures; it bumps up the blacks and whites, the highlights and the shadows, to where everything is amplified. there is little gray area. my strengths and weaknesses are equally exposed. all the junk in my heart is brought to the surface, and i become more dependent on the Lord for my strength and for reconciliation than ever before. it's a purging process that is sometimes painful, and beyond necessary.
but even more than that, Haiti has been burned into my heart by the Creator God, that loves that nation and has a heart to see its restoration. i believe Haiti has the ability to be redeemed by God alone, and shine like a bright gem in the caribbean. i am so thankful for the opportunity to serve a people that will teach me more than i could ever teach them: to watch as they walk in joy in the absence of things; as the curious children lavish love regardless of skin color; as they count it all joy when my heart counts the complaints against comfort.
i've got so much to learn; and the Lord knows just what a fine teacher Haiti can be.
to join me on this journey, you can add me to your google reader, go up on the left side under the tabs and add your email address to receive updates or click "follow" to join this site!
start here: how it began
then read: His promise
so, this is where the story left off: a week after a heartbreaking loss of a dream, standing firm on God's promise of faithfulness, and hearing His reassuring voice telling me to 'expect in Hope, believe for things beyond what you can see and know. For I know the plans I have for you.'
Since that Tuesday night surrender on the staircase, I've not turned back. I've declared His faithfulness to everyone I know. I've stood firm in believing He had a plan, even if that plan was a swept-up-and-pieced-back-together version of my original plan.
i felt as if the Lord specifically asked me not to search anything out. you see, i'm a fixer. if it doesn't work, i wanna make it work. but I felt as if God said, leave this one to Me. let Me handle this, and you just wait to see My faithfulness revealed.
so, God said go to haiti. and then He took away my plans to go to Haiti. and then He told me not to make any other plans.
ok, yeah, right. just making sure. ok, yep. still doesn't make any sense.
so for over two months, I waited. i declared His faithfulness, and I sat on my hands.
then, sometime around mid-to-late April, i was reading a blog that i've followed for some time now, and felt as if the Lord released me to email them. i had been hearing about another mission organization, but didn't feel released to email them. so, this was interesting. for two months, I felt like I wasn't supposed to search anything out, then now, all of the sudden, it was okay?
I wrote a brief email and prayed over it with Lauren. before we prayed, i told her about this organization, and the other, and how for some reason, i was feeling so warm to this. she said she felt the same thing, and knew nothing about it. so i sent her the link, and i sent out the email.
and received nothing back.
a week later, i'm back on the blog, and see they've just returned to Haiti, and everything there hit the fan at once, per usual in Haiti, and prayed about emailing them again. after that weekend, i decided to email a different contact listed. plus, they had just posted pictures of two sweet sisters that needed sponsorship. the younger one was named Christela, meaning Christ is here in Creole. i only knew that because I had a conversation about another little girl with the same name. her picture jumped off the page at me, and i knew i had to email to find out more about her.
and again, i didn't hear back.
a couple days later, lauren (who had slyly checked out the blog and inquired about the sponsorship, too!) tells me that she got an email back. at this point, i'm pretty much seeing this as a closed door. God seemed to be in the business of closing doors. no matter how much i knew it to be true, i declared His faithfulness over this situation time and time again with confidence in the Spirit, but began to grow exceedingly discouraged in the flesh.
as i waited to try on some things at the mall, my phone vibrated with an email.
there. is. no. way.
i rushed into the fitting room and open the email. he apologized for letting my email slip through the cracks, and said that their internet had also been down. they had all the help they needed ...until recent weeks, when 2 interns backed out. if they decided to accept another person, they would send me an application. so the dressing room became my prayer closet. i began praying for the heavens and earth to be moved and for opportunity to be presented. 30 minutes later, i receive an application and such encouraging words from the other staff member that I had tried contacting.
later on that evening, i was re-reading the email, and noticed the timestamp: Thursday, May 3rd. that couldn't be. today was saturday. and i got this today, just around noon. it says it was received at 1:48. it didn't add up. I checked the second email. It had been sent that morning, but more than 3 hours before i actually received it.
i realized that on the same day that email was supposedly sent, was the day i went for that run; and although i didn't understand it then, i can't help to think about my obedience and faith in the absence of sight and making-sense, helped to loosen somethings in the spiritual realm as i followed the Lord's path regardless of where it took me.
over the weekend, I manage to write a laughable 12 pages, single spaced, to complete the application. i sent it off. and waited. and waited. and waited.
as i reached the "we'll-get-back-to-you-within-14-days" limit, the flame of hope i had began to extinguish. as i drove to work this tuesday morning, i took the time i usually dedicated to praying for haiti (that's been my tuesday itinerary since i've returned), and just started declaring God's faithfulness even in the absence of the answer i was hoping for. my heart truly had reached the point of knowing that no matter what, His plan was perfect and would prevail. I felt so much peace as i relinquished my own plans and my own hope for this summer to Jesus, knowing that my hope was in Him, not in what my next 2 months looked like. as i prayed for protection from discouragement, i truly felt an abundance of joy and excitement, even as i laid down my dreams. i realized the role haiti played in my journey of faith, and how it was the place that i truly fell in love with jesus. because of that, there was an emotional attachment to this country, and my trip would be a sort of pilgrimage back to a sweet, sweet time in my spiritual walk. realizing all this, i just began to confess to the Lord that i didn't need to go somewhere else to love Jesus; that I would be committed to doing that this summer regardless of where I was. His peace washed over me, and i met my colleagues and kinders with such an abundance of joy on that last full day of school.
we had a dance party to "gettin' jiggy wit' it" (big ups to will smith!) during morning announcements, and i held nothing back. my silliness was in full force, as two of my kiddos told me to quit teaching and pick up a career as a dance instructor or as a cheerleader (if only a cheerleader was a legitimate job past the age of 18!). it was game and movie day, and as the kids played, i watched each of them take on their own independent roles without guidance. it brought tears to my eyes, thinking about where they were on the opposite end of this year, and just how far they had come. i chuckled as one of my sweet ones sat delegating, not even playing!, the game she had brought. another one explained the instructions in detail of his game and lead the other three as they played. it was so precious to watch them as i was hands-off completely.
as i packed and moved my things, and the other teacher had begun moving her things into my room, i remember meeting her distraction with such patience and joy; i truly wasn't even bothered or inconvenienced in the slightest, and i was so thankful for this abundance of joy that the Lord had put in my heart! even in light of everything, HE WAS FAITHFUL! and He provided joy and peace in ABUNDANCE!
so, when i sat down at my computer, and saw an email from the orphanage, my immediate response was to pray against discouragement, that my heart would be protected and preserved, and not feel rejection. i scanned through the first few sentences, and saw ... wait, what? we would love to have you on our team! wait, WHAT?! i jumped up, ran across the hall and squealed with excitement as i told allie that i got the internship! as i walked back in the classroom, my kinders were convinced that i had won the lottery. i love that they thought that. that is what a 5 year old brain equates to the amount of excitement they saw me in! one of my sweet little girls had just asked to go get a drink down the hall, and when i saw she was still standing there, i asked her if she was still going to go. she responded that she wanted to wait and find out why i was so excited first! how stinkin' sweet was that!? they were SO excited for me, and as i announced what was going on in the most simplest of terms, one of my precious little boys said, "oh! so, you're going to help then?!" i loved every second of it, and then they all met me on the carpet for the biggest group hug squeeze ever! what better way to celebrate such amazing news than with these sweet little babes of mine!
i asked allie to keep an eye on my little ones for a minute so i could go share with deana down the hall. she had prayed with me, and for me, multiple times this year for this situation to all fall into place, and i couldn't wait to tell her! I walked in as she was giving instructions and i was just jumping up and down; i don't even know if i said anything. her eyes got so big and she shrieked and tears began as we just declared His faithfulness to each other over and over and over as she hugged me so tightly in congratulations! i am so thankful for her and her support and prayers over these past two years, and could not imagine a woman more solid in her faith to have as a mentor and co-worker. i was so blessed to share in this sweet moment with her, too!
so with the excitement came with the reality, that amidst the end of school biz and graduation and cleaning out my room and moving classrooms, i had to actually finalize plans for this trip! insanely long and frustrating story short, i spent much of wednesday trying to locate a flight that did not have an overnight on either side of the trip in miami/ft laudy, and that would leave port-au-prince to return to florida sometime around the same time as my church team that i would be meeting up with in Jacmel. i spent much of the day searching expedia, priceline, and individual sites, to no avail. finally, i found a flight that left two hours before my team, but didn't have an overnight layover. i was close to booking it, but didn't feel peace, even though i got the go-ahead from our trip coordinator. later that night, after searching again and again, i decided to book that flight. but instead, i found one that left just about the same time as our TVC team! as i clicked to book it, it also was one of the rare two that didn't have an overnight layover!! then, i notice, it's $30 cheaper than the flight i was going to book!!! as i am filling in info and choosing my seats, i realize, the last leg (PAP to MIA, and MIA to TPA!) is FIRST CLASS!!!! i'm cracking up as i am just thanking God for His goodness and provision!!
i email it to our coordinator, who promptly responds that she loves how much God is in the details, because that is the same flight they are on leaving the country! (we'll both fly to MIA, where they will continue to nash as I head back to tampa!). Seriously. God, you are SO GOOD. and you just keep one-upping yourself!!!
all of this to say one thing: HE. IS. FAITHFUL. He is ABSOLUTELY faithful. I love His timing; down to the last moment, and yet, PERFECT. Always. He waited until I surrendered completely every plan of mine to His perfect will, only to reveal that my dreams and desires and hopes were fully aligned. He waited until I declared Him faithful, even in the absence of an answer that I had been hoping for, and did it with sincerity, faith, and joy; and then, He gave me my hearts desires. He waited until I was fully satisfied in Him alone, and not the fruition of His faithfulness or His plans, and then, He gave them to me anyway.
He is faithful, He is faithful, He is faithful. Praise God. He has been in every detail, and I trust that if He is this present in the constructive stages of the trip, He will absolutely not abandon me any step of the way!
Thank you Jesus, all of this is because of You! for You! through You! by YOU! Most amazingly of all, You are using each step of the past 6 months to declare Your glory. Hallelujah, for great is He who works all things together for my good!
So, June 13-July 14th, I will be serving with the Cap Haitien Children's Home, in Cap Haitien on the northern coast of Haiti! For more information about them check out their website, follow their blog, and become a fan of their Facebook page! After my month-long internship with CHCH, I will be spending a week as planned in St. Marc, Haiti at YWAM, where I taught in 2010. the final 8 days of my trip will be spent with a team from my home church in Nashville, The Village Chapel, in Jacmel serving with the Hands and Feet Project at their local orphanage!
I could not be more excited for this adventure I am about to embark on. I can not put into words the journey the Lord took me on during my 4 months in Haiti in 2010. Without doubt, it was formidable in the level of faith and intimacy with the Lord today. As much as my heart romanticizes the time i spent in Haiti, my head (and tummy!) remember all too well that it can be a frustrating and miserable place, too. I love the duality of the country, and relate to it all too well. Living in unfamiliar, uncomfortable circumstances is like using the contrast feature when editing pictures; it bumps up the blacks and whites, the highlights and the shadows, to where everything is amplified. there is little gray area. my strengths and weaknesses are equally exposed. all the junk in my heart is brought to the surface, and i become more dependent on the Lord for my strength and for reconciliation than ever before. it's a purging process that is sometimes painful, and beyond necessary.
but even more than that, Haiti has been burned into my heart by the Creator God, that loves that nation and has a heart to see its restoration. i believe Haiti has the ability to be redeemed by God alone, and shine like a bright gem in the caribbean. i am so thankful for the opportunity to serve a people that will teach me more than i could ever teach them: to watch as they walk in joy in the absence of things; as the curious children lavish love regardless of skin color; as they count it all joy when my heart counts the complaints against comfort.
i've got so much to learn; and the Lord knows just what a fine teacher Haiti can be.
to join me on this journey, you can add me to your google reader, go up on the left side under the tabs and add your email address to receive updates or click "follow" to join this site!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
boxing match with the devil
the past few weeks. God has been writing some really amazing pages into this chapter of my life. so naturally, as the Lord continues to work, the enemy has been nothing short of pissed off. so, he's been trying to attack just about every area of my life, and i've about had it with his nonsense!
in the past month slash, mainly just the past two weeks:
*our a/c went out at our house *my phone was stolen *i got food poisoning *our plumbing went out at our house *my debit card had fraudulent charges *i had to cancel my card, subsequently, my airfare in Haiti had charged a week prior, but never posted to the account, and now it remains to be seen if the airfare is still booked (oh, and its a haitian company and both numbers and the email ive tried have not been fruitful attempts. naturally.) *i was bit by a pitbull with in 15 minutes of being home, and had to go to the hospital to get it all checked out *my student loan payment came out of my account twice this month, leaving me less money to take to haitibut here's the deal: the devil can attack me however and whenever he wants. he can threaten my finances, my comforts, my conveniences, take away my phone or my debit card, and even show his firery head in the heat of frustrations after he physically attacks me. and he can, and will, continue to attack all he wants to, because my Jesus is bigger. He is stronger. He has the victory in His hand. He's given me first class on the ticket i booked home from haiti. a new, paid-for phone until Haiti. reimburst my fraud charges. healed my hand rapidly, and without infection, while preserving my bones and even protecting me from how bad it truly could have been. given me almost the amount of the second student loan payment through the random generosity of others. even given me a ticket to a big-time country concert just two days after secretly confessing to Him that I was sad to be missing out on summer concerts while giving Him my summer. He has met every single one of my needs, and most of them, aren't even needs. they are an abundance of blessing. so, take that devil. you know you're going down, so i get that you're flailing on your fall. I trust in my Jesus to save me. I am covered by His blood, and I rest in His confidence, forever.
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