split ends

today marks a huge milestone in my life.

no, it's not my 30th birthday (yet; gah, that's fast approaching!).  it's not the anniversary of my first hanson concert (although, it actually may be).  and it's certainly not the day i decided to convert to harry potter fanaticism (i'm okay with the fact that i have had nothing to do with any of those potter/hobbit/star wars books or movies).

today, i (will) cut my hair.

you're disappointed, i know.  i get it.  after a build-up like that, you were fully expecting me to purchase my first home or announce that i was preggers.  but give me a moment to explain.

my entire life, i have wanted long, luscious locks.  i've dreamed about flowing curls at my wedding.  but instead, i get hair that takes a year to grow 3 or 4 inches, and in that time, the ends are so devastated that it requires at least an inch cut off twice a year to just make it semi-healthy.  because it takes soooo long to grow, i surreptitiously skip over the suggested 6-8 week trim, because in that time, they would wind up trimming more than has grown!  and for the past year, i've noticed that my hair is thinning.  i went through a stage after coming back from haiti in which it began to fall out by the handfuls.  i was devastated and borderline depressed.

i know this all sounds petty, but for a girl that has dreamt about her wedding since she was old enough to successfully walk in mama's heels, this is monumental.

this afternoon, i am going to get a hair cut.  it may or may not be drastic to you.  but what it is, is me saying, Lord, i trust you.  i'm not holding on to the dream of getting married, expecting it to happen in the forefront of the next few years.  Lord, i trust in your timing.  Lord, i know that your plans for me greatly exceed my own.  i hand over to you my disappointment, and i trade it in for hope.  not hope for this to happen, or for that; but a hope in your perfect will that can never bring disappointment.

theres an amazing correlation between the split ends on my head, the dead ends of my past, and the broken strands being repaired and renewed by the Lord.   today, i ceremonially cut off the old and dead for the promise of new life and health.