still.

it is 8:58 on Monday morning, and I am in my PJ's still in bed.  i hear the faint chirp of a few birds high in the trees above my window, and sunlight is all but peaking in through the white panels of my curtains.

normally at this time, i am running from place to place, trying to make sure this is copied, that is die-cut, these have been laminated, and responding to my emails from the night before.  but not today.

i took a personal day today.  after spending another 4 hours up at the school last night, i got EVERYTHING prepared and organized for this week, wrote up plans for a sub that aren't just filler plans, but actually teaching plans, very close to what we would be doing if I were there.  i've ascertained that these kiddos will NOT be missing out today.  and I had to do that very carefully, or the guilt of taking a personal day would really make it not worth it.  and i don't take these days lightly.

this weekend, and it will be reflected in many posts to come, i went on our women's retreat with church. it was fabulous and it made me wish i lived in a little world in which every weekend was a women's retreat (minus the fact it would be like paying a second rent, and then some).  but i came home with a sort of spiritual hang-over, dreading life as the normal, and still craving some time with the Lord, but not as it had been in the presence of others.  i had to take this day to make it through the next four.

I was thinking of all the things i could do on my day off, like hang out at a coffee shop, or go to the gym, or clean my house.  And honestly, those are all great things that need to be done.  but all I want to do is to spend some time with Jesus, weeping at His feet.  many can worship through song, but that is not my talent.  I love to worship through writing, so I plan to do a lot of that today too.

this is clearly the most ill-composed entry, so its clear to me it's time to wrap it up.  i don't want anyone to read this and worry about me! this is just some necessary time with the Lord! it's not about depression or anything like that, its taking some time now to do some soaking so i can pour out more effectively throughout the next few weeks.

i just need to be still.