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passing through woodmont, i pondered what i would do once i got home. catch up on my lack of sleep from last night? no, i have an early morning and could use my exhaustion like ambien tonight. blog? no, because writing comes from, and leads to, great thoughts. and great thoughts comes from, and lead to spiritual epiphanies. and spiritual epiphanies, well those... they come from pain. and i was feeling good today. i did not want to do anything at all that would remotely remind me that i should be, and likely was in denial about being, in pain.
immediately, that brought me to prayer; knowing that this is going to be a daily battle. this is going to, has got to, become a daily sacrifice. my contentment with the moment is just that. its not happiness. and its not secure and permanent. it'scontentment. mine. momentary.
God's word tells us in Luke (9:23) that we are to deny ourselves, to take up our cross daily and to follow Him. daily, i have to surrender all my fears, my burdens, my plans, even my contentment. i have to deny myself the satisfaction of trying to just get by or be happy. i have to bear my wounds, in all their vulnerable and unassuming glory. to put all my faith in the Lord, and regardless of my own selfish desire for contentment, happiness, or gosh, even just numbness, i have to trudge through the pain, following Jesus and trusting that in Him my confidence can be found. in Him, my faith finds meaning and is met with a response. in Him, my faith becomes more than just empty words. it becomes a walk, a mimicked example of how we should live like Christ and seek the Lord.
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