hearts desires

one day, i dream of white. of pure white. and lace. and a church with high ceilings and bare walls and exposed stained-lumber beams. of kneeling at the Cross, hand-in-hand and ring to finger.

of marrying a man that knows his life is blessed because i am in it. one that stares at me in public, and twirls me in our room. that holds my hand at dinner, in the car, or down the street.

one that gently cradles my heart when my world is falling and my salty face pressed into his shoulder. one that never hangs up the phone with out an 'i-love-you,' or walks out the door without a kiss.

i want to choke on my pasta because i'm laughing so hard, or pretend that we're young and play in the rain. believe that i can go that extra mile, only because he tells me I can.

when i look in the mirror, and see my hair cowlicked with grease and mascara down my cheeks, one who says, "you're beautiful". to have him grab my feet to rub them without asking, because he knows the day i had.

to be standing at the sink washing dishes, his arms wrapped around from behind. to eat ice cream in bed, or for breakfast, and to know it's okay every once in a while.

i want to honeymoon in Haiti. or backpack central america, or Paris. to show him the parts of my life before him, to share all of my heart with him.

i want to serve the world along side him. to see his purest love revealed. to grow in intimacy through the challenges and dirt and lack of comfort we've grown so accustomed to.

i dream of walking down the aisle, not seeing a soul but his. not caring if i chose yellow, or rose; as long as i leave with a new last name.

of marrying a man that fights for me, stands up for me, never lets me down, and sometimes lets me win. one that would die for me, eat goat with me, and leave a love note inside my shoe.

i hear us as we sing praises to the King; to the Lord, our God and Savior. hands held high, souls intwined, as our lives become as one. washing each others feet; leading with servitude and humility.

but right now, the Lord is that One, to whom I'm betrothed. wooing me, pursuing me, challenging me, fighting for me, comforting me. and in Him, He has chosen someone better than i could imagine. someone to take me to haiti, and to Paris; to get sick off of the 4th batch of cupcakes this week. to fight for me, and walk this life out with me. in these moments even, he is perfecting his heart. he is pursuing him and wooing him; because in Him, we will be found.