storms

it had been a long day. it was late. and dark. and when they all boarded the boat, all had been still.

but then the winds shifted, picked up, and howled. the rain came in sheets; the waves crashed over the bow.

huddled in the place they knew the best, the tiny boat seemed more like a death wish than a home.

the disciples shrieked in terror with each thunder clap, and counted this night as their last.

alas, one of them woke Him up.

"hush," Jesus spoke to the seas; and all fell immediately silent.

"where is your faith?" He said to the men.

***

these weren't just any men that were doubting Jesus; they were those He knew best. they were front and center for the feeding of the 5000. they saw the lame, walk; the blind, see; the possessed, healed. and they couldn't even cross a lake with jesus in the same boat as them without fearing for their lives. so it comes as no surprise to me that i doubt God all the time. it doesn't excuse it; perhaps just helps to explain it. as human, we are fallible. we know our own inadequacies, and it is hard for us to wrap our minds around the fact that, even without our prompting, God has it under control. He doesn't need us to wake Him. He doesn't need us to stand in fear. Just because we can't rebuke the tide does not mean He can not cause it to cease or to part. He's doing a pretty good job without us trying to take it over or having us screwing things up.

what also gets me is that the disciples were seamen. they were former fishermen! they were experienced in bad weather and waves and living life on a boat. this was their comfort zone, and even still, a storm hit. how often do we find ourselves in a storm even within our comfort zone? perhaps, its God's way of making us uncomfortable, to remind us that He is still God. to remind us to trust in Him, and not on our own experience or habits or abilities? to draw our gaze back to His eyes, our call back to His name? for whatever reason, i find myself in a very scary storm in which my weakened footing is grappling for stable ground. i'm waking Jesus, shouting, crying, "God! Jesus! see me! save me!" in the moments He reaches out His hand, and I feel that my faith is so small to have doubted he wouldn't protect me, I am reminded of the disciples-- as they stand in awe and asked each other, "who is this man? even the waves and wind listen to Him."

be like the water and the wind, my friends. and remind me too, when i'm low on faith and full of fear.