for Deloris.

I do not see that God is all around me because I am always trying to look ahead, overlooking Him who is so close.  --Henri Nouwen

I could've missed it; I often do.  A chance to reflect God's light every where His path takes me.  It's as subtle as the buds on the japanese cherry blossoms come to life overnight, debuting their muted pink pastels on barren branches.  or the daffodils, as they unfold to reveal their petals, a fresh tone of yellow against the greens and browns of the late-winter ground.

sometimes, we look over it, like the homeless woman on the steps, bundled in all she owns, toting trash bags that double as protection from the winter elements.  is easier for us to look forward, to a destination of what we can do, rather than looking around at how we can love.

doing is easier for us.  it sits well.  we feel accomplished, productive.  there's something to show for our time and effort.  even if that something is just another line on your resume. 

but then there is loving.  and loving out of the unnatural places of our heart, the places that make us feel comfortable.  the places that may wreak of day-old urine and cigarette smoke.  the selfish places that don't want to share our sandwich, let alone a kind word, with a stranger.  

loving, I believe, is seeing others how God sees them.

i suppose it makes sense.  if we were to look around us for opportunities to love, we would encounter the undeniable presence of God.  we'd be brought closer in intimacy with Him, as we commit to see and love like Him. 

***

I could've spent my time at the coffee shop, caged up and unbothered and able to get stuff done.  i opted for the park.  i could've sat at the picnic table, or the park swing where I was headed, but the Lord had something different for me to do. 

sitting where He had me, I saw things differently.  the trees, my lunch, this woman.  I saw beauty.  mismanagement. resiliance. 

i didn't know what to say to her, so I offered part of my sub.  she refused at first, but i insisted.  she asked me to tear her half in half, as she can't eat much these days, she said.  she just had a rabies shot.  

she finished her quarter faster than I and offered me her sweater as the winds changed to begin to usher in this evening storms. I politely declined as I was so eager to feel the sunshine on my skin, but in hindsight, maybe I should've accepted. 

As i finished my portion, I asked her if she wanted the remainder of her half.  She declined, but asked if I wasn't going to eat it.  She took it and ate it, and I went on my way after a few more minutes.

I didn't love well with my words; I didn't know how to.  I asked the Holy Spirit what to do when I saw her as I was parking to enjoy my lunch in the park.  Without hesitation, I felt like He responded with, You already know what you should do.

I tried to get out of it.  I tried to walk around it.  I tried to argue that I didn't know what to say. 

It didn't matter.

Sometimes we place as much important in saying the right things as we place on doing the right thing. 

Truth is, if our heart is attentive to God's presence around us, within us, we don't have to worry about if what we are saying or doing is the right thing.  Romans tells us that He works all things together for our good.  He will use even our failures, missteps, fumbled words. 

Deloris, my prayer is that I represented Jesus well.  that you felt God's love on you today.  I'm sorry I didn't use my words to tell you the He sees you and cherishes you.  But I hope that in being seen today, you remembered that you are not overlooked.