babble.

my frazzled mind had about as much of kindergarten as it could handle by 3 p.m.  so, instead of lesson plans for next week, i scribbled summer goals in pink, thin-point sharpie across a sheet of copy paper.  as i mapped out what i wanted to change in my classroom and teaching over the next school year (our teacher brain is never done revising and reinventing!), i looked at my calendar.

one month.

i will leave this room for the last time this school year, one month from today.

i flipped the page; May.  with every day already scrawled about in pink and green, felt tip and ball point, i felt a wave of 'ohmygoodness' smack me in the face.  one month, and then, ....

i began to jot down a hypothetical timeline.  with a hypothetical date, for a hypothetical flight, to a hypothetical mission in haiti (the only non-hypothetical part).  i penned date after date, trying to visualize this summer.

and then, the finances page.  i wrote obligations and dates and amounts.  i wrote what i owed, what i'd make, and tried to make the difference between the two at least match up.  and as the paper filled as a pepto-pink monument to figures and budgets and expense plans, it began to look more and more greek.  i wish i could explain how nothing added up, how no sense could be made of what-should-be simple math.

i laughed and laughed and laughed some more.  out loud.  by myself.  i looked down at the mess i had made.  i had literally drafted the blue-prints to the tower of babel.  even the words drafted from my very hand were foreign to me.  i couldn't figure any of this out, no matter how much time or effort i poured into it.

are you done here yet?  


yes, God.  i'm done.  i laughed some more as i figuratively through in the towel and packed up shop.

good.  I'm glad you did this, you know.  I'm glad you tried to plan this, to map it out.  You are able to see the impossibility.  You're able to see that all of this is beyond your comprehension.


uh, yeah God.  i've got it; you know what you're doing.

Do you trust me? do you see the impossibility in all of this?


yes, and yes.  all too clearly.  in fact, all i can see is how impossible this is: the logistics, the finances, the expecting it to fall into place in a months time.

You know I'm the God of the impossible, right?


oh, and indeed He is.  I am in such a sweet, sweet place of surrender to the Lord right now, and I laugh as i see the incomprehensible in front of me as nothing more than another opportunity for the Lord to prove Himself faithful.

i'm pretty sure i made the Lord laugh today.  at least i know, He's laughing with me, and not at me.  :)