the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.
***
last night, i was dreaming of this sunday. literally. i dreamt about bacon. and that i went into a bar and had a beer (random), and greasy bar food like chicken strips. it's true. i've been drooling over the thought of all the deliciousness i was going to eat come sunday evening, and the end of my 10-day Daniel Fast. the thought of an ice-cold diet coke sounded so good, that i even ordered one in my dream to accompany my beer.
i made it. i've finally made it to the end of this journey, i've thought to myself.
but something didn't just feel right.
even though my friends in our Tues. night fellowship were all doing the full 21 day fast, i had decided to do just a 10-day food fast, and giving up a few additional things for the duration of the three weeks as a way to signify simple and healthy (2012 words!). but as i near the end of the fast, some itty-bitty voice from deep within was telling me to keep going (read: the Holy Spirit. duh. doesn't take an ordained minister to figure that one out).
as i thought about it, i know that i came up with 10 days very logically, and even knew i had done the raw foods diet (very similar) for 10 days. i knew that i could do this. i could do 10 days. but 21, only God could do that.
so, I'm gonna let him. I'm going to continue to fast for the duration of the time, and still make good on my other sacrifices to Him. i'm excited. i feel like this is still more of the adventure that he's promised me this year would be.
what i gave Him as a sacrifice was enough; it was honorable, and a real good place to start from. but the place i'm at now, even just 10 days later, i know He desires even more of me. more than just something i can do. so, here goes nothing! another 11 days! we've got this, Jesus!
in all honesty, i feel like i have come full circle in my outlook on this fast in just the past week. last weekend, i was totally embittered by the inconvenience and the lack of indulgences. but every day, i'm finding excitement in new recipes, the time to cook, and even have found myself dancing down the aisles of the international market to Brittany Spears in eagerness and excitement. God has worked so much on my outlook about laying things down for Him, about putting too much dependence on certain foods, and about treating my body as a temple in which He resides.
only by His grace and mercy can i continue evading temptation by once enslaving foods or finding joy in the monotonous process of preparing all my meals and snacks for each day. but He is so much more worth a box of brownies or a can of diet soda. He really is using this to rewire my tastebuds to be more of what He created them to be.
so Lord, i sacrifice. I surrender. my body, my palate, even my passion for baking. i surrender in pursuit of more of you. of reliance on your strength instead of caffeine, of knowing that you truly are my portion. that in my physical hunger, i am reminded of the imperativeness of spiritual hunger.
we serve such a loving Father. He truly wants the best for us, and the more we are willing to hand over to Him, the more blessings He will be able to grant us through the journey.
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