missing the point.

"you're missing the point," He said to me, through a myriad of frustrations.

you see, i knew it was Him.  amidst all the grumbling and negativity going on in my head as i debated whether or not to just throw the crummy rolling pin against the wall, His words countered every emotion i was feeling.

"you're missing the point."


ugh.  you're right God.  i know that i am.  i just don't quite know how to get the point.


you see, i thought this fast would be easy.  i've done it before for health reasons; it should be a cake-walk knowing He is on my side.  but after spending hours preparing--not even cooking-- food, this whole idea of fasting as a way to "simplify" my life seemed, well, far more complex than eating just about anything sitting in my pantry that i've mentally, temporarily, placed in quarantine.

so if it was going to be so easy, why was i on the verge of tears, barking my frustrations out at God?  why did this sacrifice for simplicity take so much more work and time and complicate the process further, reducing it to something that happened to be very-not-simple?

because i was missing the point.

simplifying isn't always about making life easier.  it's not about comfort.  it's certainly not about me being in control. perhaps, even more-so about being content when i'm not in control.

this fast isn't about me.  its about Him.  its about joyfully spending an hour to make 12 tortillas when i could've bought a pack that is readily available in substantially less time with far less frustrations. (no bitterness, i promise). it's about taking care of the temple he has entrusted me with, by concerning myself with what goes in it.  it's a way of illustrating, if only minutely, His sacrifice of life for me.

water is a simple, basic, necessity for life.  but some have to walk 6 miles to get it.  there is nothing simple or easy or convenient about that.  in a way, the inconvenience of this fast exists to remind me of how grateful i should be that i've been afforded the opportunity to have practically anything i want at my finger tips.

above all, this is about honoring the Lord.  my thoughts of frustrations and selfishness were far from honoring today.  i pray tomorrow i would come more meekly, eager to lay my self at the foot of His throne and hand over my expectations and self-declared rights.  its about making a commitment to serve Him, and following through no matter how difficult it may seem.

it may have not been what i wanted to hear, but i did hear the Lord speak today, and fasting is a good way to have clarity in what He is saying.  praying that tomorrow, what He has to say won't need to be correction. maybe by then, i'll get the point.