if you can't say anything nice...

some people say that if you can't say anything nice, then you shouldn't say anything at all.

i, however, believe, that if you are struggling to say anything nice, you should really try to think of something nice.  it's border-line Biblical; with all that stuff Paul said about fixing your mind on what is good and true and noble.

so, in light of my current funk and the shifting circumstances in which i've found myself sitting in (what should be) a short season of uncertainty and waiting, i've decided i would share some truths i know; if anything, to declare His goodness when i'm having a hard time swallowing that.

immediately, when i found my head in a fog, and not a desire in my heart to write a post on whats going on with my teaching position until everything gets hammered out for sure, i knew that i had to push through.  i knew that i had to write something about His goodness.  truth be told, i know it all to be true.  minus the cracking foundation yesterday, God blessed me with a tremendous day.  He spoke encouragement into my heart from the time i woke up until the time i fell asleep in His arms praying.  what i wrote last night about His goodness and His will is not just something I know and believe, but something I am truly confident in even despite what changes are to come.

but today, my body, mind and heart are in a funk that my spirit is not, and the off-kilterness of it all is leaving me feeling unbalanced, like i should be crying my brains out, or throwing up.  but i can't.  but i also can't eat much, and feel nauseous at the thought of drastic change, or being propelled into a world of upper-grades that doesn't stir my passion (nor do i have any %&#(#*$&@ idea what i would be doing in that situation).

so, even though my mind and heart don't feel like typing, my spirit, the cheerleader that still remains in me, is still yelling "yay, God!" even if my mouth can not right now.

therefore; i will share a story.  the one i knew i must share the second i knew i could not write.  i was going to offer a disclaimer, but at second thought, it doesn't really bother me if you think i'm crazy.  that doesn't negate what i know to be true and how i know that i've experienced the Lord.

the following is an excerpt from my journal, written in Haiti, dated April 13, 2010.

Last night...! WOW!  Even the fact I'm journaling over blogging should speak volumes!  The Lord touched my life in a way so radically that I hope to never be the same!

We had a women's gathering in the prayer room, with Lisa, the LA & Kona outreach teams, the Swiss Counseling School, teachers, leaders, and volunteers.  Probably about 20-25 total.

After beginning with praise and a little testimony from Lisa, we began praying for the leaders; and then their children.  Lizzy prayed for the Holy Spirit to come upon her and knock her off her feet.  She said she had been praying for the gift of tongues since she was 14, and always wondered why they didn't come.  So we began praying for her first and I could feel her anxiety in her blind faith.  Tamy said she felt the Lord just tell her that it just wasn't the time, but it's not because she is young or not hungry enough-- just not ready.  So we began praying for Rebecca and I just felt reminded of Daniel.  How, even as young as he was, he influenced kings and world leaders, who adopted his faith through his boldness.  As I spoke this out over her, I began to tremble and I knew the Spirit was in me, encouraging the exhortation.  As they prayed for Wilna, she was brought to her face, and we prayed for her on the floor.

Then they asked the teachers to come pray for each other first and then be prayed for.  As we began to pray together, huddled there, I felt just the outpouring of His Spirit.  My speech began to tremble and the words I was forming in my mind were not the same ones coming from my mouth.  I knew He was gifting me with tongues! For the first time in 9 years! I've been praying for this, and had it spoken over me, but finally, without ever even trying, I received!

Then, (and this is where it gets crazy) I began to get the giggles! Filled with His Spirit of laughter and joy! It was CRAZY! I was just chuckling at first, but then I couldn't stop! As we prayed, I was just so anointed!  I heard this incredible song being sung that I had never heard before.  So I looked around because I thought maybe others broke out into song, but they were steadfast in prayer. The sound of the rains increased, and even over the pounding of the rain, I could hear the angels singing.  So, I stood there. Praising the Lord, in His tongue, and dancing with the Angels!  It was so powerful, and I was overflowing with JOY! TRUE JOY! HIS JOY!!! I got the spirit of laughter really bad, and had to sit down; the girls were laughing with me!  I tried to speak, but the words would not form!  I felt so intoxicated in the Spirit!  and that just increased the laughter!

We prayed and praised for two hours and 45 minutes, and I was too enthralled by the Lord to even care! I literally left so refreshed and filled and physically HUNGRY!

In my candid vulnerability, I called and shared with Christina, and had trouble finding the words to use! I  know people may think I'm crazy, but the Holy Spirit showed up HUGE and I am unashamed of His presence!
***

So, there you have it.  Reminding myself of how big God's heart is; and I know it is.  I've felt the love in it before.  I know the joy and the peace and the pure infatuation He brings, I've basked in it.  So, from what I know about this one, monumental experience with God's presence reminds me that He not only just loves me, but that He delights over me.  That He is worthy of praise, and that doesn't just mean when our circumstances permit it.  God's love is exponential, and this cliffside where I stand may have a hard time seeing that beyond the far fall, but it too is just an expression of just how much He loves me and wants my heart to praise Him.

All for our good, and for His glory.

If you can't say anything nice, remind yourself there is plenty good to think about.