i know, i know. i've been gone for some time now. save for *one* friend that actually enjoys reading my (jumbled mess of) thoughts that i (somehow) manage to construe together to make (what at least resembles) a point. i've been moving, and finishing my first year of teaching, and learning how to rest. and to be real honest, we haven't called to set up cable or internet [half as a conservation of funds (we didn't turn the a/c on for the first 3 weeks until the temps were well into the 90's) and half there seems to have become an unspoken rule in which we are seeing how long we can tough it out (again, see that bit about the a/c. when the sheets started to get wet with sweat, and i began to wonder if i was back in haiti, i broke first and flipped the switch. to a chilly 78. hey, conservation.)] and if we're being EXTRA honest, we sometimes get wifi from an undisclosed neighbor that has an open network entitled "GUEST NETWORK," so if you ever see me on the front porch with my Mac, or balancing it on my knees from the couch, towards the window, just wave. and don't judge.
i typed up my previous blog sans internet, but when i really needed to write. you see, i've been doing a whole ton of this thing they call "ree-ding." i've actually gotten quite good at it, and have found myself almost as fond of it as writing. but, seeing as how i'm a much better talker than i am a listener (i know, i'm heavily flawed; i'm working on it, but thats an entire different epoch of a blog!), reading sort of stifles me from talking back. and because i'm impatient and don't know how to rest and wait (wow, all the flaws are drawn to the surface here today!), reading has me about to bust at the seems because i don't really give myself time to process what i've just read. maybe thats why i have a hard time discerning wisdom from the Bible, too....?
okay, i didn't show up here to roast myself (although, i've seemed to have gotten good about that, too). i showed up because i have been longgggging to write (and i'm getting a wifi connection that doesn't require me sitting outside in the 98 degree heat, or doing contortionist moves on my couch).
i guess i'll start and end this post with this:
this summer is going to be a huge learning experience, and i want to challenge myself to really learn from it. to write about the thoughts and tensions and decisions within my head and my heart, and to share how all of that makes me feel. maybe in due time, i'll look back and learn (or re-learn) something from my own experience.
like i said, i've been doing a lot of reading. so far, in the short week and a half of summer, i've already read three books. yes, i do want a cookie. that's more books than i usually read, ever. (i'm a do-er; see previous posts). but the books i have read aren't those fantastical, romantic, steeped in mystery books. they are challenging-to-your-faith books, books that deserve to be pondered, discussed, torn apart, and applied to the heart. i read heaven is for real by Todd Burpo. in one night. it was just that incredible. i'm eager to go to heaven now. not that i wasn't before, but to be honest, i hadn't given it much thought. i think people sometimes see christianity just as the voyeur to heaven, and i find myself possibly too heavily on the other side of the farm, thinking only about living for Christ now, and not really what that means when we get to the other side.
then i read same kind of different as me. to be honest, i was worried about 30 pages in when i just hadn't gotten into it. but i picked it up the next evening, and never put it down. it is a rock-you-to-the-core book that challenges everything you've ever seen and felt in life. it challenges your purpose, your motivation, your preconceived notions about society, and the people that reside in every level of it. it is a clear-cut view of God's heart, from two very unassuming people, that had you asked them even a few years before the books publishing, they likely would have scoffed at the mention of it, that is if they had even spoken to you at all.
then, on sunday, i made my first of (hopefully) many trips to the library. i guess i had romanticized the library in my stint of absence there since virtually college. it was a lot less robust than in my imagination, and i didn't feel quite as scholarly as the (few) times i actually visited our old, historic library on Campbell's campus. however, after realizing all the books on my summer to-read list were wait listed by 82 other people (no exaggertion; apparently all of nashville's summer crowd wants to read the help, water for elephants, and AW Tozer (really?)), i managed to find Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz (which my interest was recently spurred after a kickstarter campaign finally funded the filming of this movie, where else, but in Nashville! (and partly in my home church!)) and the book Un-Christian, which stuck out like a sore thumb on a practically-bare Christian section of the stacks.
Blue Like Jazz started off a little slow and dry for me. but praise God, because Donald Miller can speak some truth. and not just Biblical truth. but real, relevant, personal truth. he says things our hearts have been feeling, and he puts things into a perspective that one could rarely find the words to explain. this is such a great book (okay; i lied. i'm not done with book three quite yet. i've got about 20 pages left, and well, it was either read or blog. so i chose YOU over finishing). regardless, i am thrilled to have read this book, and to know that as a body, we are not alone in our doubts or differences.
also, i started a new women's bible study this week on monday nights! i am beyond thrilled for several reasons: first, a new book to read! and to discuss! and because it is beth moore. i love beth moore. this is the first beth moore study our church has ever done! (we are a little behind on the new wave of evangelism here apparently!). but most importantly, i am excited to press in with a group of women that are craving that sense of spiritual sisterhood, a community of believers living in faith, walking in faith, and sharing their journey together. i have been praying for this for a while now, and i am so elated that it is coming into fruition! by the number of exclamation marks and bold printed words in this paragraph, i hope you can tell my sheer amount of joy that bubbles up when i share about this study! it's going to last throughout june and july, but we have already shared together that we are expectant and hopeful for friendships and accountability to bloom out of this study and last beyond just the timeline of this study.
i shared that having come back from haiti, almost a year ago, i came back with sort of a spiritual hang over. i was being poured into and constantly filled, and i was suffering withdrawals from being in an inclosed, spiritually-fortified environment. since then, i have been desperately missing and craving that missional living, surrounded by encouragement, affirmation, and accountability. i am continuing to pray that i can truly find a solid group of women to get plugged into, and with, at TVC through this study!
that should about cover bringing you up to speed on my summer vacay :)
what is one thing you look forward to about summer?
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