confession: i’ve never been good at rest.
now, don’t get me wrong. i’ve had my fair share of lazy days. i’ve gotten really good at laziness in the past. ooh, and waiting periods. yeah, i’ve had those. they’ve got my legs restless and my feet itching more than that one time i took a nap in an ant hill after girl scouts when i was a wee-one.
but one thing i have never mastered is rest. to be honest, aside from in the sleeping sense, i’m not altogether sure what it even means.
i went camping friday night about 2 hours out of town in a place of serenity where even the cicadas didn’t dare venture. i could’ve spent all the time in the world there, but i was still itching to get everything done, and NOW! you see, that’s how i function. i’ll admit, i will rush my way through anything. i don’t take time to stop and smell the roses; because how inefficient is that?! because of that, i am faulted at being a little careless at times. okay, most times. typos, spelling errors, missed details, you name it. and i’m okay with it. it’s how i do things, and for me, its the best, most time-efficient, way of getting things done.
but, you don’t go camping to get things done.
i found myself having a hard time resting. okay, let’s go! okay, let’s hike! okay, let’s set up the tent, start a fire, and cook dinner! s’mores, now! let’s go to the waterfall! sunset! okay, bed time! is that the sun?! alright! let’s get up, tear down camp, and go hiking and climbing! ugh, i’m sitting too long; i’m going for a walk!
i got back on saturday evening, and sat down to read a book. that is how most people rest and relax right? i finished the book in one sitting. efficiency. who needs to spread it out over days and weeks?! i’m wondering if this is why i have a hard time finishing books in the first place... hmm, i might be onto something. or maybe, it requires you sitting still, in one place, with solely one focus for a pretty significant amount of time. yeah, i’m not very good at that. there are other things that need to be done.
i wish i could find the pause button-- heck, slow motion would be okay even. but instead, i’m a multi-tasker, a doer with a to-do list (or 5; yes, i just checked wunderlist on my iphone to be certain) 9 miles long. i’ve been known to shave (yes, SHAVE!) while driving, clean while cooking, or set up (or push back) my errands so they are most conveniently aligned with something else in that part of town. i like to make the most of my time. i don’t know if that is driven out of my habit of procrastination (read: there is literally no time left, so i’ve got to make double-time) or if it is truly like the planning portion of my mind works like a nintendo-geek playing tetris and just waiting for those 4-block-long pieces to fall and knock out 4 lines in a row.
whatever it need be, i think this season is going to be about learning how to downsize in my brain. to relearn how to take my time. to be precise when i cut and sew my curtains (the fabric is staring me down for the dining room table as we speak). to make time to blog, and sift through the changes my heart and life has endured in the past year. to not get frustrated when it takes me an hour to prepare dinner due to our limited counter space and lack of a dishwasher. to enjoy waking up in the morning, not rushed, but not overly-lazy. to finding a balance between forcing myself to the gym, pool, store, etc. and knowing that i don’t have to get it all done in the same day, everyday. to understand that this period is a well-needed, well-deserved break separating a year finished and a year beginning. if i don’t decompress, i will go in already run-down from last year’s class, with a whole fresh new group of kiddos.
summer vacation starts now.
rest on the other hand....
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