tonight, in typical jesus fashion of cosmic alignment, i went to an event held by safeworldnexus to benefit heartline ministries in port-au-prince, held here in franklin, tn. essentially, at the heart of heartline ministries is are the livesay's, a missionary family from texas that i feel like i know personally, although they might think that was creepy seeing as how they haven't a clue i exist or blog-stalk them daily. irrelevant. since getting back from haiti last year, i have tried my best to stay as connected to haiti as possible: by praying for the nations, talking to friends that served with me or are still on the ground there, reading news about haiti, referring to haiti in about 95% of my conversations (sorry 'bout it), practicing french/creole with my haitian custodian, and reading blogs of missionary families in haiti to keep fresh the personal, relational side of what is happening in that country. which lead me to the livesay family, sometime in november.
fast forward to just a few months ago, and i began following this matt chambers guy on twitter. he was someone that the livesay's often tweeted to, and i wanna say that maybe photog icon, jeremy cowart has RTed a time or two. anyways, i saw about a month ago that he tweeted about an event. for haiti. in nashville. for HEARTLINE. ummm, sign me up! i love when small worlds collide. and that, my friends, would have been the theme of the evening!
so i sign up to go, and honestly don't know a soul going. which is okay; that's not what it is about.
yeah, until i get there. ever heard of fashionably early? yeah, me neither. that's because it doesn't exist. i'm literally the second person there (the people working the door weren't even there yet). awesome. so i check out the entirety of the displays before practically anyone arrives. by the time everyone else is finally making their rounds to see the pictures and read the stories, i've already circled three times, creepily by myself and had a glass of chardonnay. coupled with the fact i'm flying solo, this makes the entire socializing thing ridiculously awkward for someone that typically doesn't get awkward in new situations.
finding a table, i sat down. like a loser, by myself. tried to make chit-chat with two folks near me, but they weren't having it and got up to walk about. seriously, in my head i was conversing with Jesus, asking Him why this was so strangely uncomfortable; i hadn't expected that from such an event. feeling conviction i felt as if he was like "oh, so this event is about you?" boom. roasted. how easy it is for us to think that we deserve to be comfortable; that everything should be easy.
however, fortunately, a lovely roommate of a girl in my circle of friends recognized me and saved me from dire embarrassment of spending the entire evening as a stranger to this roomful of people. (i know; woe is me, right? psh. whatevs. thanks for listening to me whine!) she introduced me to a handful of people she knew, and as small-world-fate would have it (and i would realize after i left), one of the girls is actually a local photographer in which whom's blog i follow, and had even recommended to a friend for her wedding. (okay, now i just sound like a creepy online lurker; i swear it's not true! i'm not creepy! just well informed!)
anyways, we get seated and the speakers begin. along with matt, speakers included the producer and the exec vp for the dave ramsey radio show here in nashville, and christian blogger/author of "stuff Christians like" john acuff. sitting in a room full of strangers, and hearing each speaker point to the hand of God as He is illustrating miracles in the lives of those speaking and Haitians alike, i can only liken it to a moment of revelation i had in 2008, sitting in a small room of complete strangers, coming together for something bigger than ourselves. volunteering with mocha club for "ellie's run for africa," God spoke to me in a way i've only experienced a handful of times. He removed blinders from the sides of my eyes, and allowed me to see the whole picture. it was bigger than i had imagined. it was beyond just teaching, He told me. it wasn't teaching in the sense i expected. it was in this realm of ministry, and missions, and serving. it would have bigger implications. it dealt with international education.
as the Lord revealed that to me in that small meeting room in 12th South, my plans to return to florida for grad school were put on hold. i wound up in africa just a short time after, and returned to nashville to enroll in lipscomb's MALT program for grad school-- writing my thesis on literacy for empowerment in developing nations, and further developing a heart for the impoverished. little did i know, that God would further give me a desire to lead those that are leading in those nations, and dreams of one day partnering with teachers in these nations to help train and arm those that haven't had the luxury of proper schooling. furthermore, i never dreamed that God would send me to haiti to give me experience in the very situations i hope to one day help advise.
so i found myself in this room feeling this very same feeling: there is something much bigger at work here. i kept asking God to reveal it to me, but I didn't hear Him speaking; just the nudging of the Holy Spirit reminding me of that moment just a few years ago, and how it opened my eyes to much greater than i could've imagined.
acuff, whom i also follow on twitter and had no idea he was speaking, did a fantastic job speaking. one thing that really stood out from me, that will be the focus of the remainder of this post, is something blake thompson, producer for the dave ramsey show, said amidst his discussion of what missions has meant to him in his life. it's funny. i've thought the same thing before, often. i came back with the same emotions, the same longing for the Christ i met intimately while in Haiti. so i paraphrase the following loosely; a mix of what he said, and what i heard. because the holy spirit uses the same words to pierce so differently at times.
i used to think God was here, and not there. i mean, we know that that is not true; that He is everywhere. but to see how they live, and then see what happened to them, i wondered "why them? why, when they already have so little?" but then i went. and i saw their faith. and i've come back wondering why God is there, and not here. you see, we get so distracted by all the things in our lives in front of God. but they have nothing there. it is them, and then it is God. i used to think they were the ones missing out. turns out, we are. what is different is me. it's how close God is when you remove everything else.
i used to wonder why we don't see miracles anymore. and then i went to Haiti. and i saw miracles every day, just even in how God used me and worked through me. there's no way i, as unable as i am, could've done any of that on my own.
i also thought missions was something you were either called into, or not. but we are all called to serve, in one capacity or another. to do what we can. i get to work a job that i love, and get to touch the lives of many every day. this is my mission field. this is what i can do. (i'm not quite sure this part was blake's story; but for the sake of the purpose, we'll just go with it).to be honest, i've struggled with this a lot since returning last year. there are times i feel so distant to God, and i wonder how i ever felt as close to him as i was when i was serving his heart in haiti. i'm glad i'm not alone in that. i'm glad we all ache for the intimacy of Christ when we have been removed--- removed ourselves, via distractions, etc.-- from it. that's good. it's supposed to hurt. i've wondered the same about miracles; how i've witnessed them in majestic ways, but rarely in day-to-day, average USA life. why is that? (i've got an inkling that it has to deal with radical faith, and that's an entire different post). and questioning our mission field? uncertain about our call? umm, yes. everyday. i forget that i am blessed to be serving in a mission field that is ripe ripe RIPE with those that need the love of Christ as an example before them every day. to be honest, i'm no so certain i am the best example of that Love that i can be, but i too, am a work in progress.
for the sake of brevity (ha! who's kidding, i've been writing/getting distracted for over an hour now), i will leave you with an image acuff began his speech with: looking through a book about weather, his 5 year old daughter saw a picture of a famished child under the section about droughts. with hesitation, she asked "what's that daddy?" and he explained to her that the young boy was dying of starvation, due to not having enough food to eat. with her innocence poignant as any profound words might find, she asks "but that's pretend, right?" her words, young and naive, brought great conviction: certainly, this can't be true. certainly, you can't be okay with this. daddy, what are you doing to make sure this isn't real life.
certainly, we-- a culture saturated with consumption beyond even three meager meals a day-- can't be okay with this. certainly, we are doing something about this. aren't we?
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