part 2 : dignity, a new fragrance by JC

(check below for the first original post! :)

on the other side of people watching, is being watched. it's hard not to feel judged, or insecure in your skin when you know eyes are on you. every time i got up for a refill or to use the restroom, and trekked across the cafe, i felt, and saw eyes look up as i passed. often times, if i'm underdressed, in gym clothes or the like, i feel like they are staring at me in disapproval. other times, if i am overdressed, i feel that their sharp glances are thinking that i'm trying to prove myself or over compensate. whatever it is, our insecurities convince us that everyone is plain and simple out to get us.

now, for the most part, i don't let my insecurities rule my life and my actions. the study we are doing has only brought the ones that i wasn't necessarily aware of out, front and center, for me to deal with. which has been a good, enlightening process i would say. it has made me aware of not only areas that i have been insecure about, but also what those insecurities might look like, as well as what might be the root cause of them in the first place.

and praise HIM, because i have noticed the more that i've been able to pinpoint, the more distant those issues have seemed. the Lord has helped me accomplish mountains upon mountains of growth in the past 10, 5, even two years! to think about where i used to be, what drove me, what hurt me, what hurt i hid; WOW! i am not boasting in pride of my own accomplishments; however, i am boasting in the redemptive grace of the Father that has lifted me, freely, out of hiding in the tight grasp of satan's lies and deceit into a place of vulnerability and light, grace and forgiveness, freedom and acceptance!

i think my challenge with strength and dignity (as referenced in Proverbs 31:25 and my previous post) is no longer just clothing myself in it (or rather, allowing Him to clothe me in it), but now is more or less related to making sure that i choose to wear it so that i properly reflect my confidence in the Lord.

people (and i say this to definitely include myself!) pass judgments (solicited or not) based on first impressions. hopefully that first impression even allows for conversation, but typically is based purely on appearance and demeanor. i am guilty as charged. i might automatically think "that person might be a good friend!" based shallowly on nothing more than the fact i admire the way she dresses. i might also conversely think that someone is a debbie downer based on a momentary scowl on their face (but really, who walks around with a huge smile on their face when they aren't even talking to anyone, let alone approaching anyone!?). i'm not proud of this instantaneous judgment, but i think (or would like to think) that it is just the way that we as humans process our surroundings as safe or dangerous.

all of that to say, i feel like once you have really allowed it to sink in that God has given you strength and dignity as your inheritance, that your new challenge is to wear it in such a way that it is immediately recognizable, even within those moments of first impressions. that's not to say that everyone will pick up on it, and say "wow, she's a Christian, and knows that she is loved dearly by the Lord!" just because you've walked in the room wearing a TWLOHA shirt, eating chick-fil-a while holding a coffee from starbucks. but i think the way that you carry yourself, initiate (or respond to) a conversation, as well as the tone and choice of words you use convey a deep meaning of how you value yourself (or perhaps, more importantly, what you believe about how He values you).

i think of two things: the first of which comes to mind is that "new car smell." you get into a car, and it could be dirty as anything, but you know that it is new, because it smells new. it has this fragrance that is just steeped in newness. i want that to be my fragrance. i want everyone i met to think "wow! she really loves the Lord!" in a way that newly in-love couples love each other. the newness, the novelty has yet to wear off. i got an air freshener for my car a few weeks ago, and it's amazing what that hot pink flip flop on my rearview is capable of! it completely overrides that "your-jetta-smells-like-crayola" scent i've been hearing about for the past 8 years! it's so strong, you barely have to open the door to smell it! i want that! that is the kind of fragrance i want to bring about Christ! that people who barely have a chance to get to know me, can already tell that I am passionate about my faith, and that i know i am radically loved by Him!

secondly, well... i guess i forgot what came to mind second... maybe it was this: in finding our confidence through strength and dignity in Christ, it is important to be mindful to not become prideful, arrogant, or conceited. that can ruin our fragrance faster than spoiled milk sitting in the sun. when people see Christ on you, they don't want to see you steeped in a superiority complex because you've miraculously figured it all out all of the sudden. remember, you are being watched as an example, and you need to look like an example of Christ, not an example of what society values most. i'm speaking to myself here, too. when you are full on Christ, sometimes it is easy to forget that not everyone is where you are. use your full cup to fill the cup of others, not to remind them that their cup is empty! ghandi once said that he liked our Christ, but doesn't care much for our Christians. i hate that for us. i hate that we do such a bad job of being the church. why is it so hard to just live out what we say we believe? (rhetorical; that would be more than just a whole different post!)

thirdly (i remembered this was my second thought!), i think of the woman in Luke that broke her flask of perfume at the feet of Jesus as she washed his feet with her tears and hair. think of what she must have smelt like for days. i remembered accidentally dropping a bottle of perfume at macy's once. yikes. it filled the store with its fragrance within seconds of shattering. a little bit goes a long way with that stuff! (i've had some bottles for three years now!) i like to think that she smelled so strongly that even after bathing, the scent didn't fade for weeks. imagine running into her in the market, never having spoken to her, but just having heard that she was the lady that washed jesus' feet; only knowing this from what you could smell! i think that is fabulous. i would have loved to meet her. i think that as jesus spoke to the religious Pharisees among him, saying her sins, although many, are forgiven because she has shown love to Him, unlike the Pharisees-- good gracious, could you imaging her dignity restored?! what that must've felt like to be humbled enough to go before Christ as a dirty sinner, to perhaps make a fool out of yourself in front of a posh crowd, but to go and do it in brokenness and love and humility; and then to have Christ himself tell you, "Go in peace; your faith has saved you,"? Oh how the Pharisees must've hated that! but oh, dear Jesus! THANK YOU for restoring that woman's dignity right in front of those that stood in false strength and glory! what an honor; what a story!

so friends, i challenge you, that when you are on the watched end of people watching, stand confidently in the Lord, and pour out His blessings to all you encounter. wear your dignity like an expensive fragrance for all to smell. its the perfume that smells best on us all.