zumba

there is part of me that has not changed since high school.

and that part of me loves taking zumba class because it is, in essence, a perfectly acceptable place to pretend that i am still, indeed, a cheerleader. don't get me wrong, much of my cheerleader-esque persona has definitely toned down a bit, but getting in a room with 60 women with absolutely no inhibition to prevent me from breakin' it down, backin' it up, and shakin' what my mamma gave me allows much of that part of me to live on. and oh boy, does it ever.

now, i used to be really good at zumba. i went like, every day, a couple summers ago. i could do the dances in my sleep. i even knew words to latin salsa songs (never said i knew what they meant). point being: when you practice, and you practice well, it sort of pours out of you. i even considered getting my zumba certification that summer, but for some reason or another (i was chicken, and i'm sure "something" came up), i never did.

so getting back into it this summer has not been the easiest thing to do. for starters, it's blazing outside, like mid-90s, and its' only early june. not a good sign, as august tends to be the hottest month in these parts. so naturally, i would rather stay in my nice cool bed (remember, we finally turned the a/c to 78!). not saying zumba is outside. it's not. it's actually in an air conditioned room with about 12 ceiling fans. point being: i would have to GO outside. and then there's that really nasty drive home in a car thats been parked in 95 degree heat and you are already pouring sweat, so your sweat starts sweating.

plus, i have sort of gotten into this time warp from not having a solid routine like a JOB. to be honest, yesterday was wednesday. the only way i discovered this (as we don't have TV either), was through my weekly top 20 email from travelzoo. it comes every wednesday. so i'm either all or nothing with routine, and because i'm lacking in the majorly pressing areas, i would prefer it to be nothing. in that, i've gotten 3 books read, somewhere in the realm of 700+ pages!, and curtains sewn, my room put together, and some QT at the pool. but working out? PSH who cares.

well, i've overcome the above and have made it to at least 5 zumba classes this summer. i've never seen the movie, but i'm assuming this is how stella got her groove back, because mine is coming slowly but surely. tonight makes number 6. or number 5. again, that no routine thing has thrown me off completely.

so last night, i was p-o-u-r-i-n-g sweat through my t-shirt. first off, who wears t-shirts to work out anyway? dumb, party of me. anyway, we started doing this really complicated jazz step. back to the cheerleader-in-me part: i think it always took me extra long to get the dances down pat. i have to channel my inner ghetto, it doesn't come naturally at first, until it flows without reserve. but getting that first well pump takes a little time.

i was front row, right behind the instructor, carrie. now, carrie is awesome. she can move parts of her body so fast, you have to wonder if she is either A) bionic woman, or 2) someone has a remote control to her limbs. i like to be up front so i can see, and have my best chance at actually being successful in picking up some of the dances. earlier this week, i brought a guest and we were running late, so had to find room in the back. i hated it back there. i couldn't see a thing, and had no clue if i was following the right cues or not. so front and center, i had carrie within just a few feet of me.

yet the strangest thing happened. i kept finding myself watching myself in the mirror. now, this room is fully mirrored, and i think its a good thing. it gives you perspective, and affirmation that yes, you do look like a fool. but what was really odd to me, was that when i was doing something wrong, or couldn't get it quite the way she did it, i was always looking at myself. humble, huh?

i say this, because carrie is the master of zumba. she is the instructor extraordinaire. these are her dances, she is the teacher. but rather look to her, right in front of me, for correction, i found myself looking at myself and noting all the things that were off in my jazz step or coupia. and in the middle of my salsa, i realized, this is what we do with Christ.

we as Christians, although are typically ashamed to admit it, we tend to find all the bad stuff about us. i don't know if it's our inability to understand grace, to learn how to forgive and forget, or if it is a scheme of the devil to remind us just how terrible we are at things. i find no matter how much i've even forgiven myself of, i seem to remember the dumb things i've done, or the times i've put my foot in my mouth, far more than the times i've been encouraging or have done something the right way.

so focusing on the mirror's reflection was two-fold: it was self-absorbed, and it was unforgiving. i think christianity gets a pretty bad wrap for being these two things. let me explain. we all know we are hypocrites. we are human, and sort of inline with that whole "i think; therefore, i am" movement, i think the Christian mantra should read more like "I sin, therefore, i'm a hypocrite." no matter how hard we try not to be, we are. we fall short of living like the Christ we proclaim to be following. i'm ashamed of it, but i'm okay with it. i keep striving when Christ offers grace enough to bring me back up. but if i ever get to the point where i believe i've got it down and don't need His help, someone please take me outside and whoop my tail! i don't believe as christians and humans we will meet some sort of nirvana here on earth in which our flesh no longer leads us astray.

just as my main focus was on my reflection, when we take our eyes off christ, we lose sight of what we are to compare ourselves to, what we are to strive to be like. instead of focusing on all the wrong were doing, how out of sync we look, how downright ridiculous we might look, we need to bring our eyes back to the one that is teaching us every step to this dance of life in the first place.

when we focus on our sin, and how grimy it is, we lose sight of what God has for us. we lose sight of the pathway out of that sin. we become self-absorbed, and wrapped up in how evil or diluted we've become, and begin to feel hopeless.

but friends, there is hope! He's dancing this dance right in front of us! we have Him to cast our hearts and eyes upon, and he will slowly teach us the moves every beat of the way!

the other note i made, was that we become unforgiving. when we concentrate on all we are doing wrong, we hold it against ourselves. don't get me wrong, i believe we need to own up and be down right repentant for our selfish hearts and sinful ways; but we need to learn to lay it down, and hold on to it no more. when we do this, we are able to pick up anew, and jump in where we left off. when we don't, we become calloused. and once you learn how to forgive yourself for the wrong turns you've made, then you will likely have a greater chance of forgiving those around you when you see them make the same mistakes.

but here's the clincher: if our eyes are on anyone else, the person dancing next to you, in front of you, behind you, even on yourself; if they are no longer upon jesus, we lurer ourselves away from the one thing we are supposed to be walking towards. if our eyes are not upon jesus, we become caught up in comparison that is not biblical. we compare ourselves with our friends (well at least i don't do ____ like _____ does!), we compare ourselves to our family (she was always the good sister anyway) or we even compare ourselves to our old self (at least i'm not doing _____ anymore). jesus doesn't want us to compare ourselves to anything aside from Him! because when we do, we are gaining superiority/inferiority to another sinner! He doesn't want us to stand side-by-side declaring which sin is better or worse, feeling justified in our shortcomings! He wants us to stand side-by-side with Him! He wants us to look more like Him! and we can't emulate something we aren't looking at!

have you ever tried to draw an intricate picture from memory? unless you're on the same level as degas, cassatt or cezanne, in my book, it's not going to compare to having the original picture right there for you to trace, outline, scale, and ultimately copy!

we were created in Christ's image. and then something terrible happened, and we perverted and corrupted ourselves through our thirst to be God. but He has reached down from Heaven to rescue us. and He has already done it. when we fail, we need to look to Him; in the same way that when i have no idea what i'm doing in zumba, i need to look to the Master. gain your confidence from Him. gain your assurance from Him. receive guidance, cues, promptings from Him.

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maybe this is all prompted through my recent discovery of donald miller's blue like jazz; in which he expounds upon his journey to faith, and his qualms with the modern "religiosity" that can be found in most Christian churches. he does so in a brilliantly unmatched way, using life as metaphors for faith, something i've often done through this blog. if that's true, if this is spawned from my close readings of his, i want to give him credit for prompting my thoughts, and any semblance of belief that might be found in these lines. i also want to give him credit for making his readers think; to challenge them beyond accepting everything we hear and are taught as truth. and for bringing my kindergarten mind back around to a series of metaphoric thought. it's enlightening, and refreshing to think beyond the basics of letter sounds, compound words, and mixing colors.