blahhhhg.

at precisely 4:49 a.m., (that's latin for awake is a miracle) the morning news is dropped at the doorstep of many of the homeowners in our towne-home compound. how would one know this? for quite the same reason i know that Express sends out their exclusive emails at approximately 4:52. (they've added shoes and swimwear to their collection of must-haves that has recently turned into can't-haves-because-a-job-is-a-must have. but you can't penalize me for looking; after all, what else is there to do at 4:52

a.m.?)

at 4:45 a.m. and a feels-like of nineteen one can imagine that the world, apart from third-shifters, street cleaners, and the ungodly few that haven't yet called it a night, is in bed working through their REM. i, however, having just returned from braving the roads, the cold, and narcolepsy to shuttle the Schmicks to the airport, am crawling into bed more awake and alert than my less-than-healthy-amount-of-sleep body should be at a time nearly 5 hours prior to my biological alarm clock.

it's early, cold, and exhausting. but i couldn't let the parallels go without noting. i am only in the beginning of this journey. it's far to early for me to be completely aware of all this day has to offer me. and it is cold. i hate the cold. but i choose to live here, so it's sort of the really annoying friend that you put up with because she is terribly nice to you, and despite her downfalls, you still enjoy her the other 75% of the time. and i am exhausted. even in praying during my drive back i sent the abbreviated e-mail to God with a sunday school style petition for prayer request on His behalf. (hope i didn't short change the children in Haiti by not listing all their needs. i mean, he's God. if he doesn't know, then i certainly don't have a hope.)

what struck me (as that paragraph was quite the prime example of there's-a-purpose-to-this-at-least-in-my-head) as worth mentioning was that on this, somewhere between the second and third day, at an ungodly time and temperature, and for no issue of my own, i found myself praying. unprompted, and although partially begrudgingly, involuntarily praying. so maybe i wasn't able to do it in a cheerful spirit (note: cheerful spirits do NOT exist without the aid of caffeine until at least 8:30).

i know you're thinking, you woke me at a quarter of 5 to tell me you were praying?! and no, i don't want a cookie. i just love that this early, this early on, that was my body's natural response. it needs a lot of work, but clearly, i'm headed in the right direction.

and that direction is in between a fitted sheet, a blanket, and comforter.