i can't explain it, but i'm up for a challenge, so i'll try. as i've thought about His goodness and lovingkindness today, i've felt my insides crumble. not in a walls-of-jericho sort of way, but more like a wobbly-knees sort of way. not crumble out of fear, anxiety, or the weight of all my sin. but more like becoming undone as His love is manifest within my spirit.
each song that came across pandora today, and there were too many to recount, played to my subconscious as a transcendent reminder from heaven that we are to meditate on that which is true, righteous, noble, and good. He absolutely is enamored with each of us, and has created us to fulfill a unique purpose that only we can fulfill.
i attended the wedding of a guy i've been good friends with for about 9 years now this past weekend in Florida. it was a glorious, enchanting wedding, set on the shores of a private lake in the backyard of the bride's family ranch in central florida. it was country as country comes; rather, as elegant as country comes, and then some. bales of hay and burlap replaced church pews or folding chairs. the alter was simply a few tree stumps supporting the unity candle and some mason-jar centerpiece decor. the bridesmaids all wore seersucker (and it looked lovely, might i add!), and changed from formal footwear into cowboy boots for the after-ceremony photo-shoot with the photographer. but the jaw-dropper was the bride (did i mention how stunning, flawless, and gorgeous she was?!) and her father arrived to the aisle in a white, horse-drawn carriage? it was simply out of a fairy tale.
i'd be lying (and denying that i am, indeed, in fact, a female) if i said this romance straight out of the pages of the likes of disney (i'd say shakespeare if it weren't for all the satire and suicide) didn't have me wondering when my own prince would ride in on his white horse and pledge to love me forever.
but the truth is, He already has.
hang with me here for a second as my brain rabbit trails to make a point (i promise, there will be a point buried beneath the behemoth tangent(s) to come):
remember Jonah? you know, that whole whale-thing? what got him in the belly of a whale anyway? oh, running from God; call it disobedience, call it sin, call it sheer-terror-of-what-God's-will-held, so-he-ran-the-opposite-way-and-God-caught-up-- oh you've never done that? right. regardless of what you call it, this illustrates God's relentless love for us, elevating His will over our own. you see, He knows every little intimate detail of your life-- past, present, and all to come. and He loves each of us so much, that He would rather find us in the belly of a whale to bring us back to where He wants us, than pursuing opposite, or even anything other than, what He has specifically called us to. that my friends, is passionate pursual by a God with our best interest in mind. it was under His grace, mercy, and love that He sent the fish to swallow up Jonah. have you ever found yourself lying in the belly of a whale? on the corrective path? slightly ashamed that it took something like that to return your heart to its proper suitor?
in an effort to love us, God wants His best for us. not our standards of what we believe to be best. not something "really great" we invent in our hearts and hold onto like a tattered picture that is now not much more than a faint memory. He wants His God-ordained best for us. and the truth is, only He truly knows what that is until He releases it into our stewardship and care.
that sort of love is our Prince Charming coming to rescue us from what looks like our fairy tale, but often turns up to be a second-rate version of someone else's love story. as we wait for our own love story to unfold, God pursues our heart, relentlessly, without tarry, never giving up from us even if we shy away, or run completely opposite of Him. sometimes that pursual looks like a tender romance with our creator, other times, the belly of a fish.
fortunately, this time, I'm not finding myself in the ocean for three days. rather, i am safe upon the shore with my Prince. the one that has saved me from my sin and myself; the one that is constantly transforming my heart, to be able to give and receive love in the purest, most selfless way that He himself has served as an example to. in His gentle ways, the Lord has been reminding me to trust in His timing and find satisfaction in the One who loved me enough to write my story with the blood of His son. He has sacrificed it all in the name of His love for me. not that i've earned it or even deserve it, and well before i accepted it. in His mercy, extended for me, I can only hope that I continue to allow the tenderness of his love to pervade my heart into a long-living satisfaction in Him alone.
*** the rabbit trail ends, but I'm not quite done. my eyes are though. goodnight for now. ***
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