i just need to vent.

y'all, if we're keeping it real here, and i'm assuming we are, because i'm the only one talking, then i must confess that i had a terribly difficult day today.  this week in general hasn't been the best, but today was one of those over-bake-the-cookies-and-then-burn-your-knuckles-and-tongue, change-your-tail-light-only-to-realize-your-breaklight-is-out-too kind of day.

for the sake of maintaining some privacy in parent-teacher meetings (although I'm not certain what protocol is there), i'll just say that speaking with a parent today really left me quite discouraged and doubting my abilities as a teacher.  what stinks is, i know that not to be true.  i know that the parent, not due to ignorance or self-righteousness, wants her child to have the best education imaginable.  trust me, i do too.  i pour every ounce of myself into what i do, and then some.  i am at school for no less than 50 hours a week, sometimes more.  i know that she simply does not realize, at no fault of her own even, that it has taken every bit of the last 4 weeks to even get these kiddos to sit on the carpet, walk in a line, raise their hand, and make it to the bathroom in time.  i, too, wish we were into more challenging curriculum, but truth is, these kiddos just aren't ready for challenging curriculum.  kinders need time to fingerpaint, and work on letter formation, and sing a bagillion songs at the carpet, learning to count by 2's and 5's and 10's to the macarena.  they need to laugh and be silly and learn how to interact.

i struggle with this, because i've been wanting to get deeper and deeper with independence and daily 5 and they just aren't ready yet! and i also struggle, because even though there is concern that kindergarten is not hard enough, there is double concern from parents of students that are already struggling to keep up even at this point in the year.

how do you do it?  how do you span what is more like 3 different grade levels at the same time?  i am differentiating at small groups already, something i honestly struggled with until well into fall last year.  just yesterday, i felt so so encouraged by watching my kiddos segment and blend several CVC words with short a.  y'all don't even know how much i feel like a proud mama in moments like that, where their intelligence just shines and a connection has been made in their brain!

i have to remember those moments.  i have to allow them to remind me that i am making a difference. that i am doing my best.  that i am good at what i do.  Lord, grant me patience as i slowly lead these kiddos to academic independence.  allow me to grow and strengthen my talents, to learn from others and my mistakes, and to be a better teacher tomorrow than i was today.