and when i call it an obsession, i mean nothing short of the word. the process was vile, and not accompanied with the peace of the Lord. the not knowing, the un-assuredness in the decision making was torturous in the most unholy of ways. i went back and forth more often and unpredictably than a game of badminton, and let's be real, badminton can get reeeaaalll rowdy.
and then, God called me out on it.
it began on my knees in front of my couch two sundays ago. i "slept-in" til 7, and was wide awake, so i got up and did a few things around the house, until my spirit was totally arrested by the Lord in the best way possible.
stop fighting me. stop looking for me in "church". if you think i'll only be pleased with you if you choose the "right" building to call "home," you're doing this wrong. you're putting all the emphasis on what shall be your "covering;" don't you know, I AM your covering? (Psalm 91:4; Hebrews 4). I AM your High Priest that goes before you, to whom you are accountable. if your faith is in your church, it will fail. if your faith is in your pastor, he will fail. if your faith is confined to four walls, in which you feel better about because you affectionately call them home, they will fail. I will not fail you. Daughter, put your faith in Me. be consumed with Me. let Me show you that I am not limited to a building you call church.
i've realized that it actually didn't begin, nor end, there, on my knees before the Lord. He certainly has made a point to not be contained to my ideals as to what church should resemble. instead, He's shown up in the most ironic places; teaching me that if i only recognize His presence in a building with a title that ends in "church," i'm doing it all wrong. He's breathed conviction and reconciliation of truth onto my heart in a McDonald's drive-thru. He's spoken to me more humbly and personally on the bed of a tattoo parlor than any church pew as of lately. and He's been ever present in the midst of a Saturday-marathon of taco dip, pajamas, and the first chill of fall. He knew one Sunday i would've missed it if I were sitting with my Bible taking someone else's sermon notes. so, He had me skip church, yet inadvertently meet Him with a revelation of freedom and flautas on the patio at Chuy's in Mid-town.
in these moments, these places, i've brought Him more glory than I could at the foot of any alter. I've heard more clearly than I have in moments of fervent prayer. i've seen his Hand more visibly at work than in some of the conquests we slap His name on. church is important. family is important. but, if it becomes about solely church or family, we have simply missed the Biblical call to be the church in the world. His charge for the great commission said go into the world, not the church, and make disciples. i'm slowly learning the balance, without limiting Him to a place or time penciled in on my day planner.
that sunday morning, He met me before church even began. and truth be told, it will forever mark a turning point in this walk marred with difficulty in this leg of the journey. He has turned things around, and given me a new perspective on the size, and billboard, of His kingdom.
***
Ephesians 4:20-25 NLT
20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.
24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body
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