rest assured.

i should've known that with the gracious 12 hours of sleep and 4 hour nap yesterday, i didn't stand an ice cube's chance in haiti to get good rest last night. it was actually very disturbing rest, and i'm not so sure i could even classify it as rest.

the second my head hit the pillow, my throbbing left sinus canals filled and glued themselves shut. rotating myself like a chicken on the rotisserie, i was still never able to get comfortable enough to sleep. i looked at the clock: 12:42. i hadn't yet slept. from then on, i was in and out of consciousness, but i don't think i got more than 3 hours total between checking the clock sometime in the 1, 3, and 5 o'clock hours.

i found myself praying in my bouts of consciousness, my body so tired, wanting rest; yet my symptoms so strong, fighting against it. i even went as far as casting any demons out of my sinus cavities, should there have been any that managed to pass the fortified snot-stuffed gates. as i was praying God's healing touch over my body, and passing from a state of awareness into rest, i really felt like a spiritual fight taking place; and truthfully, it was exhausting.

i dreamt that i was praising the Lord and rebuking Satan, and his little minions were mocking me and saying "satan isn't real, satan isn't real." it was rather disturbing.

when i awoke, i already heard the voice of truth whispering in my ear: "He loves you so much. You are so beautiful to Him." it was being repeated over and over within my heart; a calming self-(or spirit)affirmation that lead me again into contentment despite my loss of sleep and increased frustration with my inability to breathe.

i love, that even in the midst of a frustrating nights sleep, the Lord can whisper truths to your heart. on days that i feel far from worthy or without any semblance of beauty, He can remind us how much He truly and passionately loves us. even without physical rest, we can rest assured of His love for us.