from the perspective of a raindrop

i didn't get the job. long story short: they loved me. the principal continued to rave over me during my highly-anticipated let-down courtesy call. thought i made a perfect match with the school, clicked well with the faculty. said they really, really, really liked me. wished they had another position to offer me immediately; but will hold onto my resume if anything comes up (and be encouraged, things do come up in August). but when it boiled down to it, i didn't have experience with International Baccalaureate, one of the other candidates did. no hard feelings, i just didn't have the experience they desired, and there is not one thing i could've done better to do that. disappointed, absolutely; but pleased, yes. i'm still pleased with the interview, and i know that yesterday's manna doesn't get us anywhere today, but at least i have a glimpse of hope.

***

with that said, i am still jobless. i've spent hours perusing the internet, checking Metro, Rutherford, Franklin Special and Williamson County districts. i've ran the gamut of private or religiously-affiliated school websites only to be left hopeless at the vacancy of vacancies on each employment phase.

i know the Lord has called me to teaching. i know its something i love and am good at. but times like right now, i wonder what the silence means. am i looking in the wrong states? wrong countries? wrong venues? i felt peace about being back in Nashville; but is it about feelings or about peace? i've begun to feel peace about the possibility of teaching in Florida, but i'm not certified there. since i've been back, i've learned to not lay claim to the present as permanent. it is all ephemeral; as unpredictable and temporal as the track of a raindrop to its destiny on the ground. but i'm reminded that that raindrop is integral for the growth of shrubs and brush, flowers and trees. it's only one small drop, but it is a necessary in absorption process of that plant, to grow to it's full destiny.

i just wish i knew which way the wind was blowing, where it would guide my path. would i land on a rooftop, only to flow down each roof tile, into the leaf-clogged gutters, and slowly make my way down through the waterspout, (to wash the spiders out, of course) to my life as a puddle? i don't know where my path leads, or if its even begun raining yet. but i know that the ground is my goal, that my life will be lived to help others grow.

***

i hold onto hope, and i know that both in my spiritual journey, as well as the one of my career, i am far from the finish line. Philippians 3:12-15 from the Message Bible reads: "I'm not saying that I have all this together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-- toward Jesus. I'm off and I'm running-- and I'm not turning back."