Saturday, August 21, 2010

body builder

ahh, saturday. at last. and not a saturday like last saturday, that involved lots of tears and goodbyes and shopping trips to walmart, the dollar tree, and the parent teacher store. but a lovely saturday that began 4 hours after my now-normal 5:45 a.m. wake up, with a pedicure, clean linens, laundry put away, and a fresh haircut (just a trim, nothing crazy. i gave up emotional cutting after high school).

on the way to the salon this afternoon, i spent some really good time in passionate prayer. i feel like its been a while since i've prayed with such passion an authority. after bathing some friends back home in prayer (be praying for my friends Tim and Sarah Jean Collins; Tim's father passed away sometime between Thursday and today, and his mom passed away after battling cancer just two months ago), and praying favor and blessing over my friends that just left Haiti, i began to really pray for myself.

this week has been tremendously hard. having to jump in in the middle of the first inning not knowing i was even on the roster has left me feeling completely underprepared and my confidence on the floor. i'm the first one there, last to leave; and i feel like i come home so empty from the day, and craving so much someone to share that with. so it's been really hard to say the least. but i began to really pray that the Lord would work through my brokenness, work through my stretching, the pain-- and then revelation fell. it was as if a concept, previously unknown, was placed right in the middle of my brain, suddenly snapping my eyes open to what God was saying.

the stretching, the tearing, the pain... it's a lot like muscle building. and right now, i'm building your heart. i'm increasing your capacity to lift more. it's not a season of brokenness, even. it's part of the process of strength training.

floored at the thought of this concept, i began to praising Him for the sweet revelation. for the confirmation that this too shall pass. for the affirmation that this is both essential in making me great, and only needed for a time. it was such a sweet moment when Jesus gave me exactly what i needed.

so today, isn't just like any other saturday. i came home with more than fresh toes, coiffed hair, and a clean toilet. i've got a fresh outlook reminding me that God is a God that loves me, and is taking care of me, and is holding my hand as i tread water, careful to never let me drown.

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