independently wealthy

in my current bout of waiting, you would think i would be blogging more; seeing as how my time is unlimited by hours of prepping a classroom, writing intricate lesson plans, or spent in professional development training. but as is most things with life, when you have the time, you don't do it. when you don't have the time, you find the time.

in my time in the word this morning, i decided to re-read some of my favorite passages. but this time, i read them in the Message Bible, a text i'm not fully familiar with, aside from the controversy of taking the literal and making it just practical. i loved the new light it shed on old, familiar text.

i was blown away by reading every loverbird's favorite chapter: 1 Corinthians 13. even thinking about the context it was written in (Paul addressing issues of dissension in the church; how to treat our brethren), i think it has strong implications for all of our daily interactions. i've posted it here for your convenience, and my historian personality.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.Love never dies.

Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete.But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

i am indefinitely blown away by the vivid imagery that this text evokes. rusty gates, burned martyr? we don't even begin to think of these things in our modern-day Christianity outside of formal scripture. but to honestly live with love, calling life without love bankrupt!? that part got me. knowing that all the credentials in the world mean nothing without love. that a swiss bank-account with a posted balance in the trillions would yield nothing without love?! we miss that, and we miss it by a huge margin most often.

to know that love puts up with anything, always trusts God ... wow! are we living this out as Christians right now? in our quarrels and silly, selfish wants, are we trying to take things into our own hands and out of the hands of the Almighty God that may have ordained our current situation just as it is? and we go and get frustrated with people: superiors/bosses/principals, HR departments, co-workers, friends, roomates, family, children, spouses or significant others. we say it's my way or the high-way. they need to apologize. i'm hurt, and i'm right, and i have the right to be hurt. no, no, NO! God did not design us to seek self-promotion (love isn't always me first-- nor does it say never me first, that's another post!). He designed us to live within the church or our Christian family as an illustration of His love for the world. to love unconditionally, to seek Him above all, and to serve humbly and with compassion. is there a clause about getting hurt in the process? nope. is there one about ruined first impressions, or neglected second chances? not that i can see here. love, true love for one another requires a selfless choice to say "no matter what." without having a background in statistics or any real way of measuring this, i would venture to say 90% of love is completely regardless of feelings. its a choice, just as paul describes it here.

many of us are familiar with this text from weddings or valentine's or marking a commitment in a romantic relationship; and although this is a wonderful example of unconditional love that is required in committed, romantic relationships, Paul was not giving marriage counsel to Mary and Joseph. he was addressing relationships, friendships, interactions among Christians! i am almost mad at myself for constantly missing the fullness of what this text means.

again, i re-read the end. simple passages that are often trimmed from the typical 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 faire: "Trust steadily in God; hope unswervingly, and love extravagantly."

wow. God is so good.

from the perspective of a raindrop

i didn't get the job. long story short: they loved me. the principal continued to rave over me during my highly-anticipated let-down courtesy call. thought i made a perfect match with the school, clicked well with the faculty. said they really, really, really liked me. wished they had another position to offer me immediately; but will hold onto my resume if anything comes up (and be encouraged, things do come up in August). but when it boiled down to it, i didn't have experience with International Baccalaureate, one of the other candidates did. no hard feelings, i just didn't have the experience they desired, and there is not one thing i could've done better to do that. disappointed, absolutely; but pleased, yes. i'm still pleased with the interview, and i know that yesterday's manna doesn't get us anywhere today, but at least i have a glimpse of hope.

***

with that said, i am still jobless. i've spent hours perusing the internet, checking Metro, Rutherford, Franklin Special and Williamson County districts. i've ran the gamut of private or religiously-affiliated school websites only to be left hopeless at the vacancy of vacancies on each employment phase.

i know the Lord has called me to teaching. i know its something i love and am good at. but times like right now, i wonder what the silence means. am i looking in the wrong states? wrong countries? wrong venues? i felt peace about being back in Nashville; but is it about feelings or about peace? i've begun to feel peace about the possibility of teaching in Florida, but i'm not certified there. since i've been back, i've learned to not lay claim to the present as permanent. it is all ephemeral; as unpredictable and temporal as the track of a raindrop to its destiny on the ground. but i'm reminded that that raindrop is integral for the growth of shrubs and brush, flowers and trees. it's only one small drop, but it is a necessary in absorption process of that plant, to grow to it's full destiny.

i just wish i knew which way the wind was blowing, where it would guide my path. would i land on a rooftop, only to flow down each roof tile, into the leaf-clogged gutters, and slowly make my way down through the waterspout, (to wash the spiders out, of course) to my life as a puddle? i don't know where my path leads, or if its even begun raining yet. but i know that the ground is my goal, that my life will be lived to help others grow.

***

i hold onto hope, and i know that both in my spiritual journey, as well as the one of my career, i am far from the finish line. Philippians 3:12-15 from the Message Bible reads: "I'm not saying that I have all this together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-- toward Jesus. I'm off and I'm running-- and I'm not turning back."

reality check.

first, read: http://prayfordaisy.com/

then, cry.

next, discuss.

i am so challenged by the precious life of this little girl, and the suffering of her family. their faith in the bleakest of times moves me in a way i'm almost ashamed of. i ask that you would pray for her, for healing. for wholeness of her body. for the Lord to miraculous restore her health to what He designed it to be. and pray for her family, too. that their faith would increase. that each day would be another opportunity to praise the Lord for life and breath. that they would be able to stand before each other and the Lord and worship Him in light of their suffering. that others would be transformed by their faith and trust in God. that they would be comforted, and given peace that surpasses all understanding.

and pray for me, too. that i would learn that what i've endured is mild compared to the sufferings and trials and pain of others. that i would learn what it looks like to live a faith like Job. that even when hopeful situations drop me right back off at square-one's door step (i just got the call; they hired someone else), that my trust in the Lord and the truth of His Word would not falter based on circumstance.

dial tone

the last time i sat in such an intense anticipation of a phone call, it was a boy, and i was no likely older than 18. but at 25, i sit--reading, watching sermons, praying, pacing-- anything to take my mind off of the fact that in 30 minutes to 2 hours, my entire life could be radically changing. i will either go back to square one, trusting that the Lord is Lord and He has a plan for me; one that this 4th grade teaching position would keep me from. or i will be full-fledged-flung-forward, launching my career as a teacher; ending my 7-month hiatus (really, an entire year) from full-time, paid employment. this phone call could be the call that changes everything; or as Mat Kearney tells us, "we're all just one phone call from our knees."

either way, i am trusting that the Lord of Lords, my King, my God knows His plans for my future. and i know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. job or no job, this works to lead me in pursuit of His will, all for His glory. even just going into the interview, i prayed that He would be glorified through it. that my stewardship of passion and knowledge and purpose would shine, as a testament to His glory.

and so, i wait. patient and eager, just like those phone calls from a million miles away. only difference is, this one is coming.

saving the world one dish at a time.

my biggest pet peeve when i was in Haiti was one of odd nature. after meals, each person was responsible for washing their trays and utensils and standing them up to dry for the next meal. it seemed as if every time i got through the wash line, there was a stack of wet dishes and forks laying in stagnant water. disgruntled, i'd re-rinse them, and fit them all into each little slot of the shelf. Many-a-time, i had to breathe deep and tell myself "you can not save the world by doing dishes." what i meant by this was that no one dies if the dishes aren't properly arranged. it doesn't reflect poorly on me if i do or don't take the time to fix everyone's mess at the end of the day. in essence: there is no use wasting my energy getting frustrated or irritated at the assumed lack of care of others.

this concept could go so many ways; even conflicting ones.

i'm just illustrating it because i found myself scrubbing away at the front of our white kitchen cabinets, realizing that i could scrub myself silly and be so peeved when it refused to come off, but when it boiled down to it, no one lives or dies based on the finger smudges on my cabinetry.

alternatively, this is not a post about being lazy, giving up, always picking up after others, being the change you wish to see in the world, or anything else as elaborately profound as those topics. nope, just a tirade against ooey-gooey finger prints and a moment reminisced.

currently on vacay in the mountains of maggie valley, NC! we're sitting at ingles getting internet to check on job postings, etc. (with no such luck) so i just wanted to update and let you know that my hiatus will continue until sunday!

love you all!

xoxo

new!

it has certainly been a while since i've updated. being home (in Nashville) has certainly been both relaxing and exhausting. there have been moments that i have felt so renewed by the presence of the Lord (here and in my life) and so distant from the intimacy that i felt certain times in my time in Haiti. i came back into a strange season; not one that felt like the waiting period i experienced prior to leaving for Haiti, but similar in the nature of waiting, for who knows what's next. it's not a wilderness season, where i am wondering aimlessly, searching for the Lord. it's an odd season of contentment; where the more still i sit, the more i find myself. i've rediscovered (as if it was ever lost) my joy of cooking and entertaining (thank you Jesus for both the passion and the talent!). i've found a simple peace sitting in front of my singer sewing machine, stitching away at a hostess apron, after spending an hour picking out the most complimentary patterns. i've tasted bitter defeat by way of sour-cream-and-chocolate icing, or an icing recipe that calls for a pound and a half of butter (most of which spread out over the cake stand it was so runny!).

spending the past two weeks back in nashville, unemployed-but-eagerly-looking (i prefer to use the term interning as a domestic housewife to unemployed, it sounds much better!), i've realized that, for perhaps the first time in my life, i am doing exactly what it is that i want to do. i'm cleaning. i'm cooking. i'm developing new recipes. i'm finding what i like, what i don't like, what works for me. i'm working out (to help compensate for all the baking). i'm hosting dinner for my friends and roommates, and even wearing my new homemade apron.

it sounds simple. to some, it probably sounds a bore. but to me, it sounds like i am practicing for what i want to do for the rest of my life, and enjoying it. sure, i don't have a job right now, and that's not realistic as a recent college grad with student loans peeking around the corner. but i did just get back from working for 4 months, without a paycheck, because i chose to do both what i love and what God has called me to. so i feel as if this season God has brought me back into is reminding me of the things that i do love and desire for my life, and allowing me to enjoy them, as they were meant to be. this may seem obvious to you, or completely irrelevant. but for me, it's revelatory.

only God knows what is next. and to be honest, only He can orchestrate it. i've done what i could: applications in to 6 counties/districts. applied to 60+ positions (40 of which in metro alone). resumes to principles across the greater Nashville area. even a potential "back-up plan" across the pond if i'm unable to get a teaching job this year. i don't feel careless by saying that God will make the next move; i feel confident in putting my trust in Him to do so. this in-between time, i feel as if He has so precariously detailed for me to relish in, to relish in Him in.

and tomorrow, i leave for vacation. a week with my best friends in the mountains. the mannings, the smiths. shelley, carly, christina, lauren, james, kerry, caleb, and even jackie as of a few minutes ago. no cell service and no internet. high in the low 70s, and lots of drizzly skies. deep conversation, meditation, solitude. i can't wait to sob with the rain, to breathe freedom in with the fresh mountain air. i'm excited to have nothing pressing to-do, nothing taking precedence over just seeking the Lord and sharing in fellowship with my brothers and sisters.

praising God for what He is doing, even just in allowing me the time and freedom to soak in His love and joy. praising Him for being faithful and provisional, even when i have no inkling as to what lies next for me.

i am so eager to share this new journey with you, too.

so in honor of new, i've revamped my blog to include all the new things that the Lord is growing me in (which you'll have the power to choose to read or not read the other avenues). i am expanding my blog to include one on cooking, photography, sewing/creations, teaching/classroom ideas (assuming i get one!), and just every day life. my homepage with be:

www.RhiannonDean07.blogspot.com

and from there, you will be able to navigate via tabs to:
www.RhiannonDean07-food.blogspot.com
www.RhiannonDean07-sew.blogspot.com
www.RhiannonDean07-photo.blogspot.com
and even this blog at: www.RhiannonDean07-Haiti.blogspot.com

and with that said: thank you. Thank you for walking through this journey from start to finish with me. For following faithfully. for your prayers, your encouragement, your support. for your love and the motivation to get through. thank you for all you've generously offered me, and for seeing me through the entire process that was Haiti. i'm both sad and excited to see that chapter in life come to a close. it only means that God has something new in store, and His inventory is definitely the best.