homeless

i was sitting inside jersey mikes, eating my sandwich alone, when he passed by the window. watching as the blustery winds and snow swirled around his body, as a finger from the Lord Himself pointing him out to me. "he has to be cold." i thought to myself. i checked the weather on my iphone; feels like 16. i saw him standing under the awning, only to walk back and forth to the corner of the building, as if he was indecisive about which place guarded him from the wind the best. he walked back one last time, before disappearing out of my sight around the corner of the window.

i had saved half my sub, which i never do when i just get the regular one. i just hadn't seemed as hungry as i thought i was before i left church. when he appeared again in my peripheral, i knew that the Lord had multiplied that food as i ate, that the other half of the sandwich was never mine to begin with.

i rolled down my window and stuck my hand out in the snow. "would you like the other half of my sandwich?" i asked. he looked at me without saying a word and began to slowly walk over. "thank you, honey. God bless you." he replied. the sadness in his eyes spoke more truth and pain than his words ever could. as he backed away, i could sense his humility when he asked, "honey, you wouldn't be able to help my wife, could you? we're about to be put out of our room. do you have any cash to spare?" my heart broke. i was speechless. "i'm sorry, i can't." my heart wanted to say so much more, but my lips never caught up. "thank you. God bless." he responded. i rolled up my window, and went on my way.

now i know a host of people that would be skeptical of the whole situation, and some that say it has been their own poor decision in life that have left them homeless. but the humility and hesitation in his words, the shame he conveyed as he reached out for help, the look of sorrow in his eyes-- can not be faked, can not be ignored.

waiting at the stop light, i saw him standing there where i had left him with the sandwich. just standing, in the pelting snow and freezing wind. not on the corner, not panhandling or begging. not even approaching any of the customers as they left. just standing in a place where he literally had no idea what he was to do next. i may have never been homeless, but i've been there. standing, stranded, hopeless. knowing i shouldn't be in the rain, but not knowing where to turn or how to keep moving.

i drove away and began to cry out to God. "Lord!" i called. "what more can I do?! i want to help. no one should be out in the cold with no where to go. why can't i help him? who can help?" my heart was breaking for a population in which i know exists, but one that is much easier to evade eye-contact with when we are met with a red light and a black-marker sign.

i cried and cried and begged God to intervene, to use another person to help. to do what they can. i kept saying over and over to God, all i have is a sandwich. all i could give was a sandwich. i felt so guilty. here i was, in a warm coat, in a warm car, going back to my warm house. i worry about finances and if i'll ever pay off my bills, but today i was worried if i would be able to make it down to Jo-Ann's fabrics in the snow before it got dark. we've been blessed by His hand, and even though we may think we don't have much, or even what we deem "enough," we have been provided for by our Jehovah Jirah. i sat in the parking lot at Kroger, praying for this man and the pain i saw in His eyes. Lord, touch someone's heart to help. Give him a second chance. may he be supernaturally warmed by Your love and Your spirit.

we are all homeless in this world. we are all lost, and standing in the snow, not certain what to do next. but the Lord is calling us home. He is offering us mercy from the storm and inviting us into right-relationship with Him. He is extending His grace in exchange for our hearts to praise Him. i am so comforted by this, knowing that even in the times I find myself at a loss for words or direction or protection from the cold, there He is; prepared to take me in, keep me fed and make sure I'm warm.