its everywhere. reminders of just how terrible and wretched we are. how we don't measure up, equal enough, or have what it takes.
its the pinterest-mindset, where the housewife decorates her little one's first-birthday with a seamless theme, meant more for the eyes on the internet and the repins, than for the memories that little one will make.
or the facebook or blog post highlight reels. we all know them, those people whose lives seem so perfect, too perfect, with their well-decorated home, always-enchanting husband, and perfect-little-angels. the pictures of the honeymoons to Europe, or their adventure in the rainforest. but very rarely does anyone show the behind-the-scenes footage. the sweat and tears and swear words that didn't make their internet show.
its the instagram's of "look at all the cool things i'm doing in all these cool places with all these cool people!"
to the insecure person, these things don't scream, "look at me!" instead, they condescendingly whisper, "look at what you're not."
i've got a handle on pinterest. i'm pretty crafty, and it doesn't leave me wanting more. facebook has bored me, with people no longer sharing their own information, but reposting shares of pictures and advertisements so often, its smells a little myspace-y. instagram is great, but i use it more to just enjoy the pictures i take.
runkeeper.
that is the app that kills. at least to me. that is my thorn, my kryptonite, my stumbling block.
it means well. they always do.
but every 5 minutes, it tells me how far i've gone, how long it's been, and my current pace. basically, its a constant, 5 minute reminder of how bad i suck. chanting at me in 5 minute intervals, "you are never going to get better. you will never beat your time. you will always hate this."
i nearly threw my phone in the forest the other day. legitimately. i took it out of my armband, and seriously thought about chucking it at a tree.
i had to turn it off. i had to silence it. i could not take the voices anymore. there were enough negative ones in my head, i didn't need the one on my arm chiming in, too.
these voices, these distractions, these things that were meant for good; we must silence them. we must turn them off. we mustn't give them anymore clout than they deserve. if we are not using them as motivation, but rather as another form of discouragement, get. rid. of. it! purge!
i hiked again today. and i added 10 minutes to my time. but, i enjoyed it this time, and didn't wind up tossing my phone off a cliff.
