ywam?

ywam south africa after graduation next winter?

i wouldnt be using my degree that i'm currently working on.  

just a thought.

pray.

Apparently blogger isn't iPhone friendly so this will have to wait. :(

jesus loves the little chi'rens

this is why i want to teach abroad.  to see the eager, smiling children crammed into a makeshift room easily a third of the size of an american classroom with hope in their eyes and ardent in their desire to learn.  

i've been called to be an agent of change; to enable a new generation of african (or belizean, or nepali, or wherever) children: to pour into, to impart knowledge to, to pass on my passion to.  (i am aware i just committed the unpardonable sin of ending a sentence with a preposition; please accept my most sincere apology). 

i've been called to engage these children; to hook them into learning, motivate them into self-education and out of a perpetual cycle of poverty. 

i've been called to love these precious lambs of Christ.  to love as He loved.  to live as He lived.  to share that love and life with them.  

i've been called out of a life of self-indulgence and humdrum monotony into a life of self-sacrifice and radical revival.

as a follower of christ and a lover of the nations, i've been called.  ruined for the ordinary.  destined for extraordinary.

it's been a while...

the average person will tell you that habits are hard to break. 

unless you're me.  and then it's quite the opposite.  i couldn't form a habit even if the consequences were anything shy of death.  even then, it would likely take a lot of coercion; you'd be surprised how childlike and a.d.d. i am.

the only reason i'm even writing this blog is because i got a random message from a girl that told me i was a good writer and i should blog.  and it reminded me: "wait a second, i do.  or, well... did.  or something like that."

no more promises.  fortunately, bad habits aren't totally replacing my lack of good habits.  and maybe its my quest for spontaneity, my indecisive nature, my inability to adhere to the norm, or my complete detest for routine.  but for the life of me, i can't do anything on a regular schedule.  eat. diet. exercise. bathe. work. homework. sleep. read. my bible, even.  i try to put myself on a schedule, and it's almost like setting myself up for a royal failure. 

it's not that i don't want to have this things solidified at the top of my daily to-do list.  but no matter how hard i try, i slack, i grow lax, and i fail.  half the time, i don't even really fail until i try hard to discipline myself.  for instance.  i'll typically read my bible every other day.  i cover what we're reading that week in church (for the read the bible in a year path), but i can't get into the habit of doing it everyday.  so i schedule the time to do it in the morning, or before bed.  the second i write it down to do, or determine that i'm going to follow through, it's like a short-cut to nowheresville and i wind up taking the detour for a good week or so.  

same goes for dieting.  i've been rockin' it since right before halloween for this trip to belize.  but i get bored.  i get busy.  i run out of time to work out, so i try to compensate with eating uber healthy, and its like my taste buds and tummy rebel and decide they are going to do some jedi mind trick and get me to forget about my diet just days before my goal; after three weeks even!

what is it with me?  is it just a most extreme case of lack of discipline?  is it disobedience?  rebellion in its most primary form?  is it even something i can change?  even something so simple as blogging or daily devo's and my threshold for commitment dips to an all-time low. 

well, for today at least, i make the determination for the following (and i very well might have to type this out as a daily thing to get me into the habit of doing so, and as a means of holding myself accountable):

go to bed before midnight

get up before 9

shower

morning devo

get all homework done, typed and submitted ... BEFORE class (i'm a month behind, its all done, but even then, i don't submit!)

evening blog

sounds reasonable, yes?  morning devo, evening blog.  if nothing else, those two i want to make into habit.  at the rate my life is currently going, i'm missing out on a lot of things, and even if there's not another soul that reads this, i know me + 15 years will really enjoy recounting the beginning steps of what will be a great dance that the Lord has choreographed for me.

colossians 4:3

"continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving, meanwhile praying also for us, that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak.  walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time.  let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer each one."

what powerful directions paul left the colossians with.  i'm no theologian, but i've been saved by god's grace and mercy and because of that am able to understand the directions he has allowed to permeate through paul over time.  but a lot of times, understanding, even believing, and then living it out are very different and very difficult things. 

one thing is for certain: throughout the new testament (and i only reduce it to that because my knowledge of the OT is even much more limited than that of the NT) we are encouraged, reminded, and actually required to supplicate our prayer with adamant thanksgiving.  in phil 4:6, paul encourages us to present our prayers to the lord with our thanksgivings.  in eph. 5:20 as well as 1 thes. 5:16-17, paul reminds us to give thanks to the lord through everything, in ALL things.  not just the things we've been blessed with or by, but things that may at the time be seen as obstacles, hindrances, impediments, nuisances, flaws, faults, and just plain pains in the rear.  in short, the epistles are littered with reference to thankfulness yet its so often lost in the day-to-day grind. 

instead of being irritable in the 90 degree weather because my car a/c decided to go out, i should be thankful i don't have to walk to and from work and errands.  instead of complaining about picking up others slack at work, i should be thankful that i have a job and the opportunity to support myself.  instead of being grumpy because i couldn't get that extra hour of sleep last night, i should be thankful for the roof over my head, the climate control, the amazing bed and sheets i'm able to sleep on, and the fact i don't have to worry about mosquitoes passing malaria on to me in exchange for a midnight snack while i sleep.

we have plenty to be thankful for, and we need to lift those prayers of thanksgiving up to the Lord so he can see were not taking his blessings for granted. 

my intention with this blog is to continue on a different aspect of this verse for the rest of the week, allowing me to truly meditate on the heart of the message that paul is trying to relay.  paul lived and died for his faith.  these are nuggets of wisdom from a sapient man that have endured time and the devil, and have lived on after two millennium; i'm certain i've missed the mark several times, and tho i may never get it right, thats one thing i love about the bible: each time you read it, something new sticks out.  or better yet, something old takes on a new and fresh meaning.

mark 10:14

just reading in mark tonight and something caught my attention.  in chapter 10, jesus is hanging out near the jordan in judea, just teachin' a little bit and fielding questions from the pharisees.  V. 10 says 'in the house his disciples asked...' so i've got this great little image of jesus totally hanging out with a big group of people at someones home.  a pretty intimate yet social setting.  disciples, pharisees, little munchkins running around, the whole shebang.  but what really caught my attention was verse 13: "then they brought little children to him that he might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who broke them."  the disciples rebuked those who brought them.  jeezy's posse was pissy that someone brought the kids.  jesus' homeboyz were irritated not only by the children, but by the people that brought them.  but the thing that sticks out the most is that this is JESUS' DISCIPLES!!!!! his main men!  his bosom buds!  his crew!  the boys who had his back, or vice versa.  again, as often shown in mark, these dang disciples are just plain dense.  do they even really get who jesus is at this point?!  even witnessing his miracles first hand, being given authority to heal and cast out demons from the jeezy himself, and seeing His love and patience and awesomeness in the flesh, they still didn't get it.  thats what i love about the book of mark.  it shows that jesus' closest followers were just as flawed as we are.  they don't always get it.  they question the lord, they rebuke the seemingly obvious faith of others.  and he still kept them around.  i'm baffled.  it says jesus was greatly displeased with his disciples.  he's been disappointed yet again, and by his closest of friends.  how often do we keep 'friends' around that are so dense, in which we get so frustrated with, that can't see our depth or intelligence, or recognize our ability to do good works.  we seriously need to immulate jesus' patience with his friends.  but i just think its important to note that the disciples seemed to be constantly screwing things up.  but that just shows that they were real people.

more or less the point of this post has nothing to do with that.  thats just something i love to notice in the book of mark specifically.  the purpose of this post was to get the image of the lord, in this crowded room with closest friends, likely unrefined, average intelligence fishermen; mixed in with a bunch of highly educated folks, some of the townspeople and their kids.  and verse 16 paints a beautiful picture:  "and he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them."  jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world...

i love it.  i can picture jesus now, hanging out in Ambo with all the kids from the kale haewit church and school, not getting frustrated with them just asking like kids, but instead, praying with them and loving on them.  thats so hard to do, but dang, what a great image.

a photo a day keeps the heartbreak at bay

i'm new to this.  html overwhelms me and my indecisiveness will likely be a reason for my imminent, untimely death; therefore, simplicity is more of my thing.

this blog is to really be about africa; what i learned there, who i am now because of it, and where i hope to go.  it shall be a day-to-day recount of how the Lord is working in my life and the steps He is asking me to take.  i can't guarantee correct spelling or punctuation, and you can almost always count on me to not capitalize anything aside from God.  i can't promise that i will write daily, or even weekly.  and i certainly can't assume that any of it will make sense to any other souls out there.  but i can assure you one thing: this is my heart.  these are my thoughts.  this. is. real.

i'm great at starting things; terrible at finishing them.  just look at my to-do list.  actually. please don't.  we'll both be gravely disappointed.  especially after this week.  

i feel like my inaugural blog should be something of great foundational importance, but unfortunately the part of my brain that controls the deep thought process has taken an early weekend, so you must be satisfied with that at a later date.  it will come, just not right now.  you think i'd have control over something so seemingly "me". well, i don't.  and trust me, i'm more frustrated than you.

in lieu of an initiatory blog, you'll get an up-to-date, breaking news flash of the current status of my mind and heart.  take it or leave it, it is what it is. 

the weather today is gorgeous.  the cloudless sky is painted a vivid blue, contrasting perfectly with the vibrant greens of the mid-summers foliage.  the way the sun illuminates each small facet of the leaves as they rumba in unison is magnificent.  its one of those days that you can't help but notice as flawless.  uncustomary to high-summer in tennessee, the temp is down about twenty degrees from this time last year.  its almost unseasonably cool, with no complaints on all fronts, thats for sure.  however, its that first cool snap that brings me right back down nostalgia lane.  im twenty, or twenty one.  driving down the streets of greenville, nc; doing some shopping, maybe cooking, getting ready for this weekends big rivalry game.  windows down, driving down arlington, the sun warms my skin as the air chills my bones.  headed to the stadium, this is ideal football weather, and we're ready for another victory.  tailgates, pirate walk, my  camera essentially an additional appendage, perma-glued in my hand or at my eyes.  the smell of carolina style bar-b-que in its pepper vinegar glory.  the excitement as the team takes the field, led on after a cartoon-inspired peedee the pirate rocked out to hendrix's 'purple haze'.  the goosebumps incurred after a close call, where it winds up a 'first down, PIRATES! arrrgggh!' and the subsequent chanting of 'PURPLE! GOLD' between the east and west sides of the stadium. 

after two or three years, i'm back there in an instant with little to no thought about it.  its bizarre that nothing more than a ten-degree dip in temperature was all it took to invoke such a pit-of-the-stomach memory tied to emotion.  

on the eve of the titans pre-season (as i'll be scratching off one of my things to do here in my 23rd year!), this season is about conquering the heart-wrenching emotions tied to memory.  its not to stamp out the memories entirely, but just to attach a new association to an old thought, so that next year, when the heat begins to snap along  with the center, anxiety won't be anywhere in the proximity of the sidelines.